


Stuck in the past. (Working title)

by Peanuttbutterpickles



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Andrew Garfield is not spiderman i just thought it was funny, Angst, Bruce Banner/Thor -implied, Fix-It of Sorts, I do imply that Bucky flirts with Clint i can't give up my roots., I'm Bad At Tagging, It not finish so expect slow updates., Kate bishop does come in till later but She Will, Literally as many as i could fit, Lots of it, M/M, Multi, Panic Attacks, Peter parker has one line and his name is never said, Slow Burn, Swearing, The slowest possible burn., This is a "happy" living in the tower fic lol, Title is refering to me and not the contents of the fic sorry lol, When i say slow burn i mean;, but they do mention spider man so yeah he's kinda there, like major canon divergence starting at Avengers (2012).
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2020-05-16 22:35:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 21,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19327489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peanuttbutterpickles/pseuds/Peanuttbutterpickles
Summary: "The concern had made him uncomfortable. He hadn’t had anyone care about him like that in a long time.It was easier to just give in."I am super bad at summaries so read the tags i guess?





	1. Science say you're dead and gone forever

**Author's Note:**

> Hiii, this is a fic I've been writing in my head since 2012. I just decided to write it down after endgame came out and I was like "whelp there is no possible way for it to get any less canon now".  
> I did bring in elements from the comics but i'm not going to mark it as a Marvel (comics) work cause in my opinion it isn't. I did try to make sure it was as error free as possible but I am Dyslexic and rely heavily on grammerly and my computer's correction software, so please let me know if anything sounds weird! I love criticism but if you're going to get mad at me because of the ships (or something of that sort) please do not share, I'm baby and don't like it.  
> otherwise thank you for reading, updates will be slow as it is not finish and I start college in the fall.

Time heals all wounds but paces are set by some invisible source. In a race of healing Clint is losing.

The battle of New York was going to leave scars, but the physical wounds (on the city itself and its residents) have started to scab and be healed, the mental will likely still take years. Some have already started to move on with their lives. Six months into life after the battle, Clint had finally moved from his shabby S.H.I.E.L.D apartment into the shining freshly renovated Avengers Tower. 

He was the last to do so. 

Clint had always really valued having his own space, being able to be independent, but he still hadn’t lived in a non-S.H.I.E.L.D protected space in years.

Stark had worn him down. Worn them all down really, Banner was the first to move in closely followed by Thor and Nat. Steve had moved in only a few months before him.

Stark had tried everything, from threatening to hack S.H.I.E.L.D just so JARVIS could keep an eye on him to boasting about how much better the Tower was. What had finally gotten Clint was not the annoyance of Stark's constant calls, but when Stark had actually started to sound concerned. The “I’m worried about your safety”, “You’re always alone I know how unhealthy that can be.”, and the “We’d all feel better if you would just talk to us”. And it was true, since the battle Clint had been put on the sideline to focus on recovering from what Loki had done to him, he hadn’t talked to any of the team regularly during that time. The concern had made him uncomfortable. He hadn’t had anyone care about him like that since..

It was easier to just give in.

Stark had made up his floor a month after New York, asking him personal question not many people knew the answers to.

“What’s your favorite color, Barton.” It sounded more like a command then a question, his old phone crackling for a second and making Stark’s voice weird and robotic.

“Uh.. Purple?”

“Pepper wants to know what kind of furnishings you want, I told her you probably didn’t care but she wants to talk to you herself.”

“I never agreed to move in.” He states trying to sound forceful.

“I’m handing you over to Pepper now.”

“Wha- Stark? I never agreed, I don’t want you to make a room for me when I’m not moving in.”

“Don’t be silly Clint,” a stern female voice responded, he had given the phone to Ms. Potts then “ it's not a room it's a floor.”

“Now I’m just going to aim for something homey for you’re floor but I wanted to know if you would like any special features.”

“I-”

“You will be moving in eventually, so don’t even try that.”

“Okay Ms. Potts. If i’m going t o live in the tower, I need a blinking light for calls and announcement alerts, maybe a text screen for Jarvis. Oh, and a coffee maker, not on of those fancy one cup ones, I need a pot.” 

She relayed to information to Tony, sounding nonchalant not even questioning his requests, he can hear a quiet conversation, like Pepper had placed her hand over the receiver of her phone. Then she came back with a simple but loaded question.

“Tony would like to know why?”

“Cause I’m not a morning person?” he tries hoping to get out of answering.

“You know what I meant. Why the lights and text screen.”

“Well I can’t wear my aids all the time that would be uncomfortable.” Nonchalant was good, nonchalant would make it seem like it wasn’t such a big deal. Hopefully.

“You’re aids?” Wait for it, a soft ‘oh my god’ and here it comes. “I was unaware of course we can get those for you.”

Clint was taken aback, no pity, no unnecessary apologies. That's why Pepper is the best, he guesses. 

“Thank you”

“Have you told the team? It's probably something they should know.”

“Nat knows, now Stark does too. I’ll tell the others eventually.”

“Okay” and then loudly in the background Stark’s voice comes through. “Jarvis, remind me to give him a better phone, I can hear his distorted voice from here.”

“I like my phone.”

“I’m sure you’ll like this one just as much, It was nice talking to you, we haven’t spoken since the funeral.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you doing okay? You weren’t looking so great then.”

Clint shrugged then remembered she couldn’t see him. “Been better.” he answered then “I’ll talk to you later okay, Pepper?”

“Yeah, okay take care of yourself.”

He lasted five more months before Stark finally broke him, Pepper had called him weekly.


	2. Reason says I'm talking to the air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more domestic stuff, Phil won't be here for another chapter.

When he finally moved in all he had was a duffel bag. He never had very many belongings to begin with and had been trained through his youth to travel light, especially if you weren’t planning on staying long.

Which was true. Clint had only planned to stay long enough to prove to everyone that he was doing better and maybe find himself a replacement before he left. Cause that's what Clint had done before SHIELD, he never stayed long enough to get attached, and then he did and now he’s a mess. His old philosophy had been proved to him all over again. 

The only place he wanted to go now was to the farm, he wanted to see his brother and sister-in law and his niece and nephew. He wanted to help fix it up, maybe buy his own place. He wanted to settle down, he had nothing holding him to this life anymore.

It should have been Natasha that noticed it first, it always was her before. But it wasn’t this time. 

Banner had apparently wanted to check him out after a fight with hydra, a month after he had moved in. Banner had somehow known that he had ducked all the medics as well as Dr. Cho, so he had come to Clint’s floor to hopefully corner him into letting him give Clint a check-up.

It had worked, but the first thing Banner had said to him had not pertained to his health.

“So you’re planning on leave aren’t you.”

“I have no Idea what you’re talking about, Banner.” 

“First of all, I told you that you can call me by my first name and I swear to god if you start calling me ‘Doctor Banner, sir’ again I will hulk out on you. And Secondly you know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Banner’s ire got a small chuckle out of him. “Whatever, Doc. So what? I was going to find a replacement first.”

Banner continued with his examination looking a little pissed when he caught the site of blood Clint had thought he’d cleaned up better than he had. “I get that the past few months have been beyond difficult, and I’m glad you’re not planning on leaving the team high and dry but - lift your shirt please- I think maybe you should talk to whomever you’re planning on going to when you leave and get their opinion before making up your mind.”

Clint may have been deaf but that in no way meant he was stupid, he knew Banner was just as stubborn as he was and there was no way either one of them was going to get anywhere in this conversation, but it Banner kept giving him that look Clint was going to break a lot sooner than normal.

“Fine, okay I’ll talk to Barney before I start doing anything. Don’t tell anyone though okay? They all have enough to worry about.”

“Okay.” Banner said while placing two butterfly bandages on a cut by Clint’s hair line, “as long as you promise to never skip medical again, I am seriously not this kind of doctor.”

“Yeah yeah, will do Brucey. I go to medical and talk to Barney and you let me leave and don’t tell anyone about it.” Clint held out his hand more a force of habit then an actual deal closer. Bruce grabbed his hand anyway but instead of shaking it he pulled him off the couch where he had been sitting.

“Come on, it’s my turn to make the team dinner and you’re going to help me, because I think you are the only other person in this tower to ever use a kitchen before.”

“Nat has.”

“Natasha always wants to do the cutting and then looks like she’s going to murder whatever vegetable I hand her. I’ve seen you cook before though, you look tolerable at least.”

“Don’t let Nat hear you say that, she might make you drink my coffee.” Clint said with a smile as the walked into the elevator and start moving down toward the common floor. 

“Why not ask Cap?” Clint said as they reached the common floor “ He’d definitely help you, and he takes orders so well” He finished with a cheeky grin, his problem with authority had been known for months and was only rivaled by Stark's. 

“Because somehow every time he’s in the kitchen when I or anyone else are cooking, something either catches on fire or gets forgotten. So he has practically exiled himself from the kitchen.” Bruce said as they walk into the empty kitchen, it was only 3 o’clock no one would be at the common floor for at least another hour. “And before you ask, Thor always gets distracted, by what I don’t know and Tony was barred from making anything but coffee and microwave foods long before we ever moved in. Jarvis won’t even let him turn on the oven.” 

“Point taken, so what are we makin’?” Clint said turning to Bruce for direction, a sense of dread filing him at the smile on Bruce’s face.

 

***

Nearly 2 hours the table had been set (Courtesy of Steve, who insisted he had to help.) and the food was ready.

Clint was not remotely hungry. Bruce had insisted they make something hardy after the fight but still, Clint had expected something more along the lines of curry. Not the nearly 80 pierogies Clint had spent the better portion of the time stuffing and folding. While he had worked, Bruce had prepared something called Kielbasa, and talked quietly about his mother making the dishes in his childhood.

Clint had appreciated the quiet domesticity of the process, it was something he had never had the pleasure of experiencing, His brother’s family being anything but quiet. By the time they were finished Clint was wiped and wanted nothing more than a nap.

Before he could even think to try to make an escape, Bruce silently ushered him into a seat at the table “Nat and Steve are going to bring the food over so we can relax, that means Tony and Thor are on dish duty so that should be fun.” Bruce chatted as he sat down directly next to Clint.

Clint slowly realized he had been staring at his plate and looked up to see Tony Shamble in looking dead on his feat (No telling how long he had been awake before the battle) and several minutes later Thor announced his presence loudly long after everyone had taken a seat.

Clint may have been tired but the food was pretty damn good, and the company wasn’t so bad either.


	3. But something in my heart, some secret hidden part, Illogically insists that you are there.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst! also warning for panic attacks it's not described in detail but it is blatantly stated that one happened/was happening. please be cautious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to say that I am aware that the way Clint views healing and sickness is problematic. viewing healing as a race is unhealthy. but I though it was appropriate for his character at this point in the story.

After almost four years Clint was still tired, he still thought he was losing the healing race but, that did not mean he wasn’t happy. The last 3 years had been the most happy albeit stressful time of his life, Shield had fallen, they had acquired new team members, and become a family.  
Clint hadn’t thought about leaving for a long.

They were sitting in the common floor living room when that changed. It was movie Night, Rhodes’ choice. The movie nights had started as a way to catch up Cap and educate Thor on human culture, they usually took place after team dinners. That had been almost 4 years ago. 

Clint still found it surprising that they were all still around. He had expected people to leave, hell he had been planning on it. Taking off, going to help Barney fix up the old farm. Help take care of his sister-in-law and the kids. But he had stayed, Barney had told him to. ‘You got a good thing going, bro.’ And ‘the kids would be so upset if their uncle wasn't Hawkeye anymore, bro'.

So he stayed. And through that time more people had joined the team. Rhodes, Sam, The Twins. Even the goddamn Winter soldier! The Twins were his favorite of course, Pietro and him still joked around but they were like family. 

Everyone one was required to come to team dinner/movie night, which meant prime seating was always a battle. A battle Clint had yet to win.

He always ended up sitting on the love seat with one of the twins, today it was Pietro. Wanda was on the floor by Clint's feet Vision’s head in her lap. Everyone else was crowded on the couches with Banner and Thor being the exception (they were currently trying to share a chair, they had ‘fought’ over it a little but no one had bought it, Bruce was sitting on Thor's lap way to comfortably for there to be any animosity there.). Clint couldn't see the elevator from where he was sitting which it being the only entrance and exit to this floor wasn't ideal for his nerves but at that moment he couldn't care less, he was having fun.

Then some of his teammates on the couch to his left tensed. Suddenly Nat was on her feet an angry look on her face. After not even a second the movie was paused and Steve, Tony, Bruce, and Rhodes were on their feet too. They hadn’t heard the elevator over the movie. It was almost as if they were blocking his view of whom ever had come up on purpose.

“Guys who the fuck is it. What's going on?” Clint said trying to push through his friends and see this mystery person. Finally he made it so he was standing behind Steve, who had pushed himself so he was right in front of the person. He moved around Steve to see who it was.

“What. The. Fuck.” 

No this could possibly be right. 

“No, no no no.” Clint could feel his eyes start to water.

He grabbed the thing closest to him, a lamp. And gripped it hard.

“You're not real. you can't be real” 

“Bart-” the impostor tried to say 

The lamp hit the wall next to fake Phil's head.

“Don't. You were dEAD. YOU DIED.” Clint only realized he was crying when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He wiped his eyes with his arm not looking away from this horrible horrible trick in front of his eyes. “You're not real, this-this can't be real”

Phil reached for him, a look of confused sadness contorting his face. God he looked so real.

He pushed himself back before the impostor could touch him, shaking his head. The hand on his shoulder gave way as his shoulders pressed into a solid chest. He kept shaking his head, his breath becoming heavy and hard to control.

He felt himself being moved and tried to fight it but didn't have the strength. When he stopped he was sitting on the couch facing away from the fake Phil. Everything was moving slowly around him and he saw Bucky's face in front of his. He could feel people at his sides and looked to see the twins on either side of him concerned looks on their faces they looked like they were talking but all he could hear was that yelling from the other Avengers. But even they sounded like they were underwater.

“What the fuck agent we thought you were dead!”  
“You have a lot of explaining to do, fella”  
“I agree with the good Captain, son of coul an explanation.”  
“I don't understand, how are you alive.”  
“This better not be some hydra trick”  
“Loki if that is you, I swear to all that is good, this is not funny.”

“Phil. You need to leave.”

Everything stopped at Natasha's words. Phil's face was hurt and concerned but in no way surprised. 

“I-I what! Natasha? We deserve an explanation!” Tony's words were frantic, his face hurt. Besides Natasha and himself. Tony had known Phil the best.

Silence. And then Friday's voice came through. 

“I agree with Agent Romanov, sir. Agent Barton's heart rate is elevated and so is his breathing. He seems to be having a panic attack and Mr. Barnes has told me he is unresponsive. The only cause I can find is the newest environmental component. It is best if the cause leaves.”

“Shit. Yeah. Get the fuck out of my tower Phil. You can come back and explain after Barton calms down”

“Sir, until we know why Agent Barton has reacted in such a way, I suggest keeping Agent Coulson away from him.”

“Great idea Friday.” He turns back to Phil “when you come back he either won't be here or you won't be allowed to see him. I'm happy you're alive but I've grown to like Barton. Besides you lied and betrayed us and gave Barton a panic attack so, yeah kindly fuck off for now.”

Coulson hesitated looking at Clint like he couldn't understand what was wrong. Why Clint was reacting so drastically.

“It's time to leave, Mr. Coulson.” Steve had used the Captain America voice and had a look of disappointment on his face.

“I- yes that would be for the best it would seem.” He shot Clint a confused look as he walked back to the elevator.

 

A few minutes after he left Clint had calmed down enough to talk. He slowly realized it couldn’t have been a hallucination if everyone else saw him too. 

“Are you okay, Clint?” Bucky's words were small like he was trying not to spook him.

“Ye-yeah, I think I'm good” he croaked out, without even asking Pietro was gone and back with a glass of water.

“Tha-anks” Clint mumbled accepting the glass because if he didn't he knew he would just get more worried looks.

Nat had sat down next to Bucky almost as soon as Phil had left. Her whole demeanor shifting.

“I thought you had gotten over him.”

“I thought he was dead”

“Fair. Are you okay. I haven’t seen you panic like that since….”

“I saw his dead body Nat. I asked to see him to make sure. And- and now he's walking around? He's back and he doesn't look like he remembers us at all.”

“Us?” Sam asked. “There was an ‘Us’?”

“Yeah sorry for being, crass Clint, but who the fuck was that?” Wanda was swearing which meant she was rattled and worried or he was just rubbing off on her. fan-fucking-tastic.

“Oh. Shit. Yeah so um… I guess y'all just met my husband. Ex-husband?” He turns to look at Tony, cause he would probably know. “Is dying the same as a divorce?”

All hell broke loose, Bucky was on his feet looking like he had just flirt with a married woman (Clint knew the face cause it had happened before.) which was disconcerting. Steve and Tony looked equally shocked. Nat looked bored and everyone else well, he was distracted.

“H-husband?” Bucky stammered “your married? Why didn't you say anything?”

“After he died I stopped wearing the ring. It's currently six feet under with his fake body cause they couldn’t find his. Guess this is why. It was a shotgun wedding anyway, we got married because of a mission and it was never technically recognized by the United States and Nat was our witness, it’s the only reason she knows. We didn’t start actually ‘seeing’ each other till a year before he died and the rings always seemed more of a joke to him, he refused to marry me without them despite the circumstances. I guess I loved him more than I thought I did.”

“Shit.” Tony said quietly 

Sir. I am sorry to interrupt but you told me to notify you if you received any messages from Agent Coulson or Shield.

“Read it out Friday.” Cap said before Tony could protest.

Of course Captain. The message reads ‘ I am sorry to hear what happened, this should have been more discreet. But this information does need to be passed along. S.h.i.e.l.d is currently being put back together. Director Coulson had originally planned to be the avengers liaison. But as that seems it will not be conducive to a good work relationship, you will be given a new one. But until we have more staff Director Coulson will have to stay on as your liaison for the time being. Sorry for the inconvenience. -Skye (P.S. I hope Agent Barton is okay. If you need anything I have attached a link to a secure channel, not monitored by S.h.i.e.l.d that you can contact me through. I'm on your side on this one.) End of message. Ms.Skye contacted the tower directly and bypassed the security measures. Would you like me to delete the message and disregard?.

Half way through Clint wanted to take his aids out but he just couldn't stop listening.

“No other info on the sender besides the secure channel?”

No sir.

“Keep it, it could come in handy if this Skye person says their on our side we might as well keep it just to see.” Rhodey says to Tony who just nods.

Cap turns to Clint “he's gonna have to come back, are you going to be okay with that? We can keep him away from you.”

“Actually. I think it's time I take some time off. I'm gonna go visit my brother. I let you know when I'm coming back but I uh, need some time.”

“Okay, Take your time. We'll let you know when we get a new liaison.” Bruce said quietly the only one who seemed not to be in complete shock. Clint wasn't known for taking breaks, in fact quite the opposite really. 

“Pietro and I would like to come with you to drop you off and visit for a few days if that's okay.”

“Yeah that's cool. But Vision is gonna have to stay here the team can't be down too many people.”

And so It was agreed. They would head for the farm the next day and the twins would come back after a week, Clint when he could. No one would tell Coulson or S.h.i.e.l.d. 

***

Before they left Bruce gave Clint a check up of sorts like he had so many years ago.

“You’re not going to do anything rash are you?” Bruce asked quietly as he stood in front where Clint sat on the table.

“Like freak out and try to kill him? Probably not.” Clint smiled with a slight grin. 

“Good. well you’re all set, I hope to see you soon, but take your time and if you start feeling off don’t hesitate to call me, a panic attack like the one you had should not be ignored.”

“Yeah, yeah doc. I’m fairly sure that's why the twins are insisting on coming with me. They can’t like my family that much.”

That got a laugh out of Bruce as he hopped down from the table and waved goodbye.

“See you soon, Brucey!” Clint said with a pang of guilt, he felt bad for lying to them but it couldn't be helped. After the twins were back he was gone. For good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still do not think that the chapters I have posted thus far are complete done or up to my standards but I needed to get this out of my head before I started writing more, otherwise i would have wait till it was finished and uploaded it then.


	4. Somewhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot happens but most importantly Clint leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are a couple scenes where I was like "is this necessary for the story?" the answer is No but I liked them anyway. I really liked the thought of Clint teaching Lila archery that we got teased with in endgame, so i included it even though Lila isn't Clint's daughter in this story ;).
> 
>  
> 
> Chapter titles so far have been from the Starkid musical Twisted cause i'm a huge nerd. (specifically "If I Believed".)

They arrived at the farm in the early evening, before the quinjet had even landed Clint could see Lila and Cooper running and playing in the yard.

Clint had called on the quinjet, Barney had always said that they were “always welcome.” so Clint was holding him to that. Unfortunately Laura had answered and informed him that Barney was out on business and wouldn’t be home for a week. Clint had wanted to talk to Laura about the past day first anway.

As they touched down in the field off to the side of the rickety little house, Clint saw the front door slam open and even over the sounds of the quinjet engine he could hear a smiling Laura Barton yell:

“CLINTON FRANCIS BARTON GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF THAT STUPID THING YOU ARE SCARING THE ANIMALS” 

Clint signaled to the pilot on loan from Stark to lower the gate and said “Once we’re out you can take off we’ll contact the tower in a few days when Wanda and Pietro are ready for pick up.”

The pilot nodded and the three of them gathered their luggage, both the twins carrying a backpack, sleeping bag and pillow. Clint was carrying the same duffel bag he had arrived at the tower with and two small bow cases. 

The Irony wasn’t lost on him considering what he was planning on finally doing.

As they settled in, the kind quickly losing interest in their “uncle Clint” for the two cool older teens. Lila automatically begging Wanda to play with her, having two brother’s was hard even if one was still a baby. Cooper on the other hand had quietly asked if Pietro if he wanted to help him practice for his soccer game that weekend to which Pietro loudly exclaimed: 

“Clint we must extend the trip I must go to Cooper’s football game!”

“I don’t play football?” Cooper answered confusedly.

They walked outside before either Laura or him could respond.

“I guess they’re staying till the weekend then” Laura laughed heartily, “Don’t worry, I'm sure we can find something to keep them occupied. They’ll make the work around here go a lot faster.”

“I don’t know how you do it, I’m already exhausted and we’ve been here ten minutes.” Clint said as Laura guided him into the kitchen by his arm.

“It’s easier when Barney’s home we can split time pretty equally and I put Nathaniel down to bed an hour ago, but I get the feeling that taking care of children is not what you came here to talk about.”

“What has made you decide to run this time Clint?” Laura sounded tired over the panic that filed Clint’s head, he sat down at the kitchen table.

“I-I, How did you know-”

“Clint, please I’ve known you and your brother since we were teenagers, you have the same look in your face as you did the first time you ran, and after Shield caught you.” Laura smiled sitting down next to him, “Do you remember when they let us visit you after they figured out who you where? Barney had insisted he could get you to cooperate or at least calm down. They insisted we had to meet in a moving vehicle ‘Less chance of you trying to escape’.”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“You faked car sickness and when they rolled down the window for fresh air, you jumped out. You jumped out of a moving vehicle and somehow this is worse.” Laura put emphasis on every word staring him down. “I can tell, so tell me what happened.- I’m worried”

“Do you remember Coulson?”

“You mean you’re “husband”” -She actually did an air quotes gesture- “whom you were helplessly in love with but never told? Of course I remember Phil, we came to the funeral remember, he was family.” there was a pause and Laura was never known for her tact but as her hands flew over her and a soft “oh lord” slipped from her mouth Clint remembered why he had never had conversations like this with her before. She could read people too well.

“That’s impossible. Yet-” Laura stared at him “are you sure it wasn’t some trick?”

“No. but everyone else saw him to, so we can rule out a hallucination.”

“Christ, okay. I fully support you running. You need time and he- he’s been here before.”

“That’s the thing Laura, he-” Clint doesn’t know if she’ll get the significance, but he continued anyway. “He called me Barton, Laura, even before we got “married” he stopped calling me Barton unless it was prefaced with agent.” he also did the air quotes automatically feeling worse because of it.

“Then it might not have been him!” Laura looked as relieved as he had felt when he had first thought of it.

“No it was him, or at least a clone of him, Stark got a scan before he left and compared it to the last one he ever got. I heard him talking about it before I left, their exactly the same” he omitted the fact that apparently his heart looked as though it had been full reconstructed, which pushed the needle far closer to it actually being Coulson. “But, stark from what I heard is refusing to rule out cloning and very realistic robots.” 

At that they both laughed and Laura stood up holding out her hand to Clint, “Well that's good, I would tell anyone else about your plan unless you have to, until you have more information. I think it would be good for you to take some time off before going back and trying to work through it. Come on, help me with dinner, Barney is a terrible cook and I miss cooking with someone else.” Laura smiled softly and all at once Clint was so glad to have her in his life. So glad she had looked passed Barney’s many flaws and married him anyway, he couldn’t imagine a better sister.

***  
The week passed quickly, Pietro and him working in the barn, while Wanda helped Laura with Nathaniel and the many projects the house was in desperate need of. By the end of the week They had taken down the wall paper in the kitchen and living room and repainted both along with Lila’s room who had finally decided on a color purple cause she wanted to be just like her uncle, which had made him smile. 

After she had informed him of that she insisted she was old enough to finally learn how to shoot (she wasn’t wrong Clint had started at 8 and she was already 12). It had taken some begging with her mom but Laura crumpled when Clint told her he had already made Lila a bow for her birthday.

Lila had cried when she saw it, which nearly made him cry. He’d always wanted to teach his future kids to shoot, but after he realized having kids of his own wouldn’t be happening for a long time if at all, Lila was more than enough. The bow he made for her was a wooden training bow, which would be perfect, to help her learn the basics and build up her strength.

Clint had forgotten how much he enjoyed teaching, after dinner every night that week, Lila and him had gone outside and he waited on the porch as she set up the hay and target exactly like he had showed her, he couldn’t stay forever but he didn’t want her to quit just because he wasn’t around so he told her it was all a part of learning.

The best part was that she was a natural, with a little practice and a couple more years she may even surpass him, It made him excited, and incredibly sad at the same time. Not because someone would finally surpass him and he was jealous but because he wouldn’t be around to see her growth.

The twins left the day after Cooper’s soccer. Pietro had scream so loud when Cooper got a goal, they had gotten concerned looks and someone had actually asked Clint to “Control your son” which Clint could decide if he didn’t like because it implied he was old enough to have a near 20-year-old as a biological kid or because it implied that they look so similar to be mistake for father and son.

The week had been great, otherwise, so good it almost made him forget why he had come in the first place. Except every night when he went to bed it was all he could think about.

Once the twins had left his leaving was becoming more and more obvious to everyone at the house, so obvious that questions start floating around, mostly from Laura and Cooper. Was he going to stay long enough to see Barney? Where was he planning on going? How long was he planning on being gone?

He answered all of them the night before Barney’s return.

***  
The kitchen was quiet as Laura stared at him in shock.

“What do you mean you’re leaving tonight?” Cooper said at almost a shout. He was almost 15, he understood exactly what was happening.

“If I stay you’re dad’ll just try to talk me out of leaving, and I need to do this Coop.”

“And where is it exactly that you are planning on going?” Laura questioned, Lila was silent. They had already talked through this because she could tell he was preparing her and she wanted to know why.

“Probably Canada, Maybe Europe if I can make it there, Jumping countries will make it harder for the team to find me.”

“So you’re going to actively hide from the team? I thought they were your friends!”

“They are! But I need time and them constantly bombarding me with questions and concern isn’t going to speed that up.”

“This is not what I meant when I said leaving. I thought you’d take a lovely vacation to Hawaii or Alaska, at least those are in the country.”

“I can only promise that I’ll try to stay in North America, I’m gonna head to Omaha Tonight to get to a safe house, I’ve got to get some stuff I’ll need. I call you when I get there and from there I’ll decide where to head and call you from a burner phone when I arrive. Barney’ll probably be pissed but you can’t tell him where I’m going or what i’m doing till I call you, shit after I call you you can tell everyone that I was planning on leaving.”

“We wouldn’t do that I know you need time, but there is no way we’re gonna act clueless I hope you know that.”

“I wouldn’t have thought any less”

After dinner Clint packed up my stuff- not that he had unpacked it in the first place- and said goodbye, hopping on the motorcycle he had stored in the barn till now.

Clint felt guilty, but also sure that this was exactly what he needed.

At least he hoped it was.


	5. Running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint, makes it to Omaha. then figures out were to go next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always please let me know of any spelling mistakes and continuity errors, I cranked this one out in an hour. I hope you like it though not much happens. should be more soon I just got distracted though I doubt any of ya care that much.

It had been well over a decade since Clint had been back to Omaha. He had set up this safe house back when he was still a mercenary. They may have interrogated him about his past when he joined shield, but there were somethings that he could never give up. 

Despite the many chances Omaha had apparently gone through in the past 15 some-odd years, the apartment building Clint was staring at from the street looked exactly the same as it had when he had left it all those years ago.

“Guess it's time to stop stalling. I really don’t wanna have to do this.”

At least if someone was watching him they would assume he was visiting an old friend instead of collecting the one thing he had never wanted to come get. 

He had set up this safe house with that specific purpose, it was supposed to deter him from doing this. As Clint walk up the stairs and to that dreaded door he had to convince himself that this was absolutely necessary. ‘I'm gonna need money and if I can get a job where I end up, I can't go back on the cricket as Hawkeye, to get any good jobs I'll need the recognition.’

He moved slowly to knock on the door, when it was almost violently pulled open.

“Was wonderin’ when you were going come up, kid.” the greying women spoke softly and thickly accented. She was shorter than he remembered, though maybe he had just finally gotten taller. She was skinny and still as sharp has he remembered. “You do know i have a street facing window right? Or are you losing everything I ever taught you?”

“Hey Roz. sorry I just wasn’t sure I was ready yet.”

“Ah, so your here for that then not me or Bizzy.” She said with an air of dismissal. Madame Roz had always had a nonchalant attitude, but had always cared about him and Barney in her own way. 

“Maybe I wanted to get my cards read too?” Clint spoke hesitantly, unsure of his next move.

Roz smiled brightly at that, “That can be arranged. I didn’t move it kid. All of it is exactly were you left it.” 

Clint nodded and moved through the same apartment to a door he hated just looking at. He knocked before entering. Inside Roz’s granddaughter sat on the bed, head nodding as a whisper of music played through the headphones on her head. Isabell had been born right before Clint had left for good, he had nicknamed her Bizzy anyway cause even as a baby she was always doing something.

Now she was probably almost 20, fully decked out in punk attire and Clint could tell whatever she was listening to was loud and scream-y. She looked up at him, still standing in her doorway and almost threw her cell phone across the room.

“What the Fuck?!” she nearly screamed “Who are - wait, aren't you that super hero guy grandma always says is her nephew? What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Pleasure to meet you again, Bizzy. I’m Clint Barton, I Just need to grab something I stored here a while ago and then I’ll leave you to do, whatever,, you were doing” Clint says eyeing what looks like a guitar on her bed.

“Okay, you do that.” she says nodding to him, likely deciding that it was best to just let him do what he needed to do.

Clint walked into the corner of the room and moved some of her stuff before leaning down and pulling up the floorboard just enough to pull out the duffel bag and backpack stuffed underneath. He quickly pulled out what he would need from the duffel he had brought with him and then promptly stuck that one under the floorboard before rising once again. 

“May I ask why the fuck that shit was under my floor?”

“No.” Clint answered, she could ask Roz later right now he had to get going. He knew that stark was tracking him through his stark phone and it wouldn’t be long before they realized he wasn’t where he was supposed to be and came to find him, he had to be long gone before that happened. After the taxing conversation he had had with Barney when he’d arrived, he wanted to be rid of the phone as soon as possible anyway.

“Ookay? Bye, I guess?”

“Yeah, see ya kid”

“Not a Kid and I don’t know you?” she said it as he walked out of the room and back towards the front door.

“So, I assume I got the cards out for nothing?”

“Sorry, Roz. But I have to get going.” Clint felt guiltier and guiltier by the minute but he was never supposed to come back here anyway.

“I can give you a reading right now. No cards needed. Whatever you’re running from is big, but maybe you could try talking to it instead of ignoring it - please don’t tell me you knocked some poor woman up - You need to stop treating healing like a competition, you have always been slow in that department that’s not your fault. And fucking call me once and a while goddammit, that brother of your’s does and that's the only reason I new you weren’t dead.” when she finished she was right in front of him and he could help but hug her at the waiver of her voice.

“I’m sorry Roz, I really am I just didn’t want to risk them finding you. You always said you wanted no part in that part of my life but it became my whole life and I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

“You are pretty damn good at excuses, kid. I love you, just make sure to call this time, Okay?”  
“Yes ma.”

***

Clint had left the bike in Omaha, putting it in a storage locker he had filed under his ‘new’ name.

Cillian Baker was his least used identity. He had set it up a long time ago as just one to fall back on if all others failed, but now it was the only one he could use. Nat and Phil knew all the others, he had used most if not all on missions before strike team delta had fallen apart.

So Cillian Baker started to travel towards the Canadian border on a greyhound bus set towards British Columbia from there he would decide what to do.

*** 

Decision making didn’t take long as he stared at the flights board and realized the only place he could go and risk not being found was probably the one place he had vowed never to go back to.

“Goddammit.” he grumbled and walked up to the counter, pulling out a wad of cash. “One ticket to Glasgow, Scotland please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter's title is not from Twisted, cause I couldn't find a Lyric that fit. I almost didn't name it at all, that probably would have been better tbh.


	6. Arrival and trepidation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> depression is fun but here is a chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suprise? Sorry this took so long and I'm not gonna lie it's kinda short but I have a valid excuse!
> 
> I started college and it may be a bit more time consuming then orginally anticipated. The writing I've been doing for my classes has also be particularly creatively draining of me. But is 2 am on a Saturday and I'm in a mood so here! Have a chapter. shoot I might write another tomorrow while I avoid my responsibilities.

Scotland was fucking cold. Clint had stepped out of the airport to a blast of rainy frigid air.

 

“fuck.”  he muttered under his breath, his thin windbreaker was not made for this kind of weather but he walked toward the street anyway. He knew where he had to go now, he only had one safe house in the entirety of the United kingdom anyway.

 

He hailed a cab that was pulling towards the side of the street and jumped in as soon as it stopped moving pulling his bags in with him.

 

“where to?” the cab driver asked

 

“Bus station, please.” 

 

“Ah, an where ya plannin’ to go from there? Maybe I can take ya.” The driver smiled back at him as he pulled onto the street.

 

“Unless you’re anglin’ for a ride up to Inverness I doubt it.” Clint answered smiling dully back.

“An’ why are you going’ to Inverness?” the driver pushed, “Not a lot of people willing to travel that far north.”

 

“My House is there, I’m moving back.”

 

“Ah, but you're not native are ye? I dinnae ken that accents developed that well.”

 

“Na, I’m not native. I lived there for a few months then I had to leave for a job. Job’s over now so I’m back.” It was fairly close to the truth and it was always good to practice the story. The Inverness safe house had always been his least favorite. Not because it was dinghy or dilapidated but because it made him want to stay. If was perfect for this.

 

The only problem? Coulson knew about it. He was the only person that did but he could still suggest the team check it. Which would be a problem for the future.

 

The cab pulled up to the bus station not 10 minutes later and Clint climbed out silently. Thoughts of Phil had consumed him for most of the ride.

 

As he bought his ticket he also purchased as shitty paper back novel, he decided to keep himself distracted till he got to the house.

 

***

The house looked worse than It had when he'd last left but he hadn't expected much else. The grass was almost as tall as the short stone wall of the fence wide flowers everywhere. It was perfect.

 

He smiled as he picked his way to the door, he pulled a key ring and picked through until he found the right one.

 

The door creaked horribly as it opened and he walked it letting out a sigh of relief. Dropping all his bags within the threshold he moved around the house, checking it for damage and break ins but found nothing. He then set out to clean the whole place, it was coated in dust.

 

***

 

The cleaning had taken Clint longer than he had expected, not used to a day of shaking out rugs and beating cushions. He dumped on to the couch and closed his eyes. The house was still fairly empty to but he only had enough money left before having to dip into his account and then the team could track him, not that they knew he was missing yet.

 

'They probably won't figure it out for another few weeks but still shipping things to the middle of the Scottish highlands would give then an advantage later on, a TV would have to wait then.' Clint stretch and stood up grabbing his keys and wallet. Grocery shopping can't hurt and he could look for a local job while he's at it.

 

***

 

Putting the groceries away was more frustrating then buying them. Apparently jobs in Inverness were scarce, he would have to manage with his plan b for a little while at least which made his skin crawl.

 

'Guess I should start looking for my replacement for the avengers then, cause there is no way I'm going back after this.' He said as looked through 'job's listings on the shitty old laptop he'd brought with him. 

 

The particularly seedy ones were dismissed immediately, ones with little detail too if he was going back to this he was going back with morals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this on my phone at 1 am so there are likely very many mistakes! Please let me know and I'll fix them!


	7. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the team deals with the aftermath of Clint's departure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy oh boy, I had an interesting on planned. But it just didn't feel right? So have so background characters while I figure out what the hell I'm actually doing ;)
> 
> Just kidding the next chapter is already in progress (I have been in writing moodᵀᴹ for a few days now)  
> kinda a short one too with maybe some implied Steve/Tony it was kinda an accident I think i may just crave love.

Despite Laura’s urgings Barney had decided to tell the team almost as soon as he found out that Clint had vanished. Unknowingly Clint had been given just enough time to leave the country before a team full of superheroes started their panicked search.

“I guess we should be a little proud,” Steve tried to joke earning a glare from Stark and Nat. 

“And why exactly?”

“Well he suppose to be a super spy right? That means he should be really good at hiding? And he’s proving he is?” Steve tried then sighed, “I’ll go help bruce, I think he’s stress cooking.”

“He had a point.” Nat almost whispered. “This is what he’s always done. We won’t find him unless he wants us too.”

“He can’t hide forever Nat, he’ll spit up eventually and we can bring him home.” Tony moved from one screen to another checking another camera he could have passed by on his way away from the farm. Nat grabbed his arm,

“And what if he doesn’t want to come back home.” she pulled on his arm turning him around. She looked him in the eye, stopping when she sees unshed tears.

“I can’t protect him if I don’t know where he is.” He flaps his arms around as he moves away from her, “And look what his absence is doing to the team! Barnes is back to only talk to sam, steve and you. The twins are acting like they blame themselves. Worst of all bruce is freaking out so bad he’s sleeping in the hulk chamber!”  


“And you?”

“What?”

She walks up behind him, placing a hand on his back. “How are you doing? How are you feeling, tony?”

“Fucking gulity. I am so beyond mad that we had to ask S.h.e.i.l.d for help. Worse, that its. Its him that's helping us.”

“We needed help. We can’t do it all by ourselves.” she chuckles, “I know you’re still learning that lesson but really it's nice to have help.”

As she finished her sentence, there was a knock at the door and tony motioned with his hand pulling up a screen of the security feed on it. Coulson was staring up at the camera. 

“Speak of the devil and it will appear. Let him in Friday.” Tony turned his back on the door and didn’t acknowledge him as he walked in. 

Coulson didn’t seem to mind, just started speaking to his turned back and Nat. 

“We have a ping, on the dark web.” That got Tony’s attention and he whips around taking the tablet in coulson’s hands.

He scanned the documents before raising the tablet in the air and wagging it, “This isn’t Clint, We aren’t looking for some fucking replacment Coulson! We are loOKING FOR OUR FUCKING FRIEND!” Tony’s voice steadily raised as he spoke and a light started to blink above his head. He looked up. “Fucking fantastic, asshole. Raising my blood pressure made Friday alert Steve. God fucking damnit.” He grumbled, turning around to grab a stool and sat down handing the tablet over to Nat instead of back to Coulson.

She too read the report and immediately pushed the table back into Coulson’s hands. “Ronin is back,” Her voice came out shakier than she wanted to let it be, “He’s been gone for almost a decade now what the hell does that have to with Clint. The bastard finally ran out of money, so what.” 

“S.h.e.i.l.d has it on good authority that that Ronin seems to have been trained by one of the same people who trained Clint. They might know each other, or Clint may have made contact. And it wouldn’t hurt to look for a temporary teammate, you are down at least three people now.”

“We’ll find Clint thank you very much,” Tony grumbled back rubbing his archreactor. “We don’t need any more people. We are very happy with the family we have now.”

Steve walked in a few seconds later followed by Dr. Cho. He ignores Coulson, everyone completely aware that when he’d found out Clint had vanished he tried to beat the shit out of Coulson. 

Steve placed a hand delicately on Tony’s shoulder “you doing okay? We got the ping.” 

“I’m fine Steve, but Coulson looks about ready to shit his pants.” Tony laughed when Steve shot Coulson a glare.

“He should be scared,” Nat said ice-ily, “After all he did just suggest we find a replacement for Clint.” 

Steve stood up to his full height and stared down at Coulson. “We don’t abandon family, Agent. And Clint is family. We will stop looking for him when we find him. Dead or alive. And during that time there will be no ‘replacements’.” 

“Only suggested it as temporary. While you’re looking. You are earth’s mightiest defenders after all.”

“This is a team discussion that can wait till later. For now I think it’s best if you take your leave, Agent. We’ll look into whatever lead you brought. Tony needs to rest.”

After Coulson was fully out the door Tony turned to Steve, “Rest? I don’t need to rest. This happens all the time.”

“Exactly, maybe we should try to see if rest helps. Are you hungry we could eat before -. ”

“Yeah, okay fine just let me, dammit.” 

Tony muttered to himself as he shut everything down and said goodnight to the bots. They all moved up stairs together with Helen breaking off to go to her office before heading home.

After they had eaten dinner Tony and Steve walked into the elevator.

“We’ll find him. I know we will.” Steve said quietly. His hand on Tony’s back.

Tony sagged into Steve’s touch. “What if he never wants to be found, what if it was too traumatic? Seeing him after all he’d been through?” Tony asked looking up at Steve.

“Well then we will offer help and if he doesn’t want it we’ll leave him be. He may just need to heal on his own.”

“I know I just, I worry.”

“I know.”


	8. Hawkeye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint gets a visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy Shit another one in one week?! I am on a goddamn roll. Joking, this was half way done when I updated last. Again its pretty short, sorry.
> 
> But also // Spoilers/ Kate is here, I did plot things, and this was written as a victory for getting an A on a math test :D.

Nearly Three months After His first job, it hadn’t gotten any easier. The Team hadn’t made easy, either. They seemed determined to recruit Ronin, or at least talk to him. It was cold when Clint got back. Dreary, the cottage looked almost sad. He unlocked the door and dropped his bag in the entrance, moving to do a quick security sweep of the same house. before he could flick the lights on in the living room something caught his eye and he froze.

Someone was sitting on his couch back towards the door. He moved as slowly and quietly as he could, he couldn’t tell who it was from where he was standing but they either hadn’t noticed him yet or didn’t care he was there.

Then the person spoke. “Mr. Barton? You can turn the light on, this is your house.”

The voice was feminine, the figure held itself still not turning its head when it spoke but there was no mistaking that the voice had come from it. 

“Oookay then.” he flicked the light and walked around the couch. He took in the figure in front of him, it was a young woman. She barely looked older than nineteen, with dark hair and purple sunglasses.

“Who are you. How did you find me?” he growled not knowing who it was wasn’t good, his plan wasn’t as secure as he had thought.

“Oh um, well that's a bit of a story but let's suffice it to say a friend of mine is very gifted. I’m Kate Bishop, The other Hawkeye.”

“Have I really been gone that long?” If you asked him Clint wouldn’t be able to say why that had been what he had immediately thought of but it was.

“I was working as Hawkeye long before you left. I’m a part of a small group, we call ourselves the young avengers. I’m the you.”

“And you don’t go by Lady Hawk or hawkgirl?” Clint asked, he watched as her expression soured. 

“Why would I do that? Hawkeye is a perfectly good name.” 

“I don’t know, kid. Might make it less confusing for everyone else, I like it though. Never said I didn’t.” He shrugged then continued, “Why are you here?”

“Well the Avengers are fanatic about you being ‘missing’. I wanted to get your side of the story and ask if you wanted help. I’m mini you after all.”

“Yeah, don’t call yourself mini-me, that is weird.” He pulled an arm chair over and sat across from her. He didn’t know why but he trusted her. “I’ve been planning on leaving since the battle of New York. I wasn’t with S.h.i.e.l.d anymore. I could finally get away. Then I had to go move into the tower and make friends. I got my chance so left. It might not be forever, but if I had told them what I was planning on doing they would have tried to stop me. Or worse made me go see a shrink. A lot of stuff happened before I left I just needed time.”

“I’m not going to pretend I understand but I still want to help.”

“Are they still looking for a replacement for me?”

“‘On a temporary basis until Hawkeye is recovered.’ is the exact quote if I remember correctly.”

Clint snorted at that. It sounded like something Cap would write. Incredibly formal but somehow still Hopeful. (It also reminded him horribly of P-Coulson)

“Maybe it's time, to give them some help.” He couldn’t help but laugh a little, “You wanna be an Avenger, Kid?”

“I’m not on their radar of candidates. So unless your willing to come out of hiding-”

“No that's not necessary, I know someone who has been on their radar for months now.” He smiled at Kate’s confused look, “This Hawkeye may be a little retired, but I got some tricks up my sleeve.”

He didn’t really want to hurt his friends but if his assumption was right, Coulson was still working with them. He couldn’t way to see the look on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyo! if your reading this your super cool! I just wanted to say that once I get the rest of the story done I am probably going to do extensive editing to make it the best it can be. if you like something (Could even just be a line or description of something) ~from any of the chapters Let me know and I'll try to make sure it stays. 
> 
> (also also if you want to help or think you can make the story ten times better (or even just 2) Let me know I love help!)


	9. Message received

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Team has a talk and sets out to get answers. (They hope)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, Hey! Guess What!! This work is now being edited my the Amazing Katienurit!! I'm so excited to finish this story so we can make it so much better! That being said any mistakes are and will always be mine. I probably won't upload the edited chapters until the whole story is done so look out for that.

The baits hadn’t really been a thought to Tony. After he had calmed down, he had thrown the job listings up. They weren’t well hidden traps but they were there more out of the hope that Clint would see them, than that anyone might take them. If someone did? Well then they might have been able to get information out them.

He hadn’t expected to get a ping on one of them at 3 a.m. nor had he expected it to be from Ronin, whom they’d already offered a job multiple times. ‘Fucking change in moral code’ Tony mocked in his head, ‘Coulson was so fucking excited.”

The Mercenary had seemed to have had a change of heart since he had last been operating but Tony didn’t think it had anything to do with his assumed connection with Clint.

 

He quickly wrote a memo and sent it out to the team. They had as much of a lead as they were going to get, might as well work with it.

***

Hours later the conference room was dead silent as Tony finished telling them about the message he had received that night. It wasn’t really much of a message, Ronin had simply accepted the job, which stipulates a meeting in a remote area before getting more details and the offering of a large sum of money.

“Do you think he’s gone senile? Maybe he just doesn’t recognize that its a trap.” Sam suggested. 

“If he’s old enough to be senile then why is he still an assassin? Really Sam?” Bucky mutter, give a look that was probably meant to portray exasperation,Tony couldn’t tell.

“It doesn’t matter why he took the job. He may be able to help us give us a region to start looking in.” Nat spoke up from the other side of the table, “If he really does know Clint he might be able to tell us why he won’t come back.”

“We already know why he won’t.” Bruce said more loudly than usual, his eyes focused on Coulson, whom had been standing at the back wall away from the table.

“Bruce-” Thor tried 

“No I’m sick of this,” He stood up from his seat, growing a little green around the edges, “We were finally making progress when you showed up. He was opening up to us, He was starting to trust us. After everything he’d been through he was finally accepting us. And you couldn’t even have the forethought to maybe send a fucking email? We all may have lost something in the Battle of New York, but you of everyone should know how much what Barton lost mattered.”

His voice had risen severely. when he had finished or maybe he just could speak anymore, he collapsed into his seat waving off Thor and Wanda’s panicked and concerned questions.

“We are not here to rehash old arguments but you know my stance on that.” Steve spoke up finally, “I don’t have a good feeling about this Ronin person. They may have a change of heart but that doesn’t mean they won’t try to play us. We have to be careful. They might know we’re looking for Clint and want to just feed us false information to get the money.”

“Steve has a point. If they do know we’re trying to find Clint they might even try to ransom his return. He’s a merc you never know. But it is the only lead we have. So we don’t really have any other options. We need a plan.” Natasha said

“We take a few people an everyone else stays here in case we get any other leads. The groups should be even but the group we take to see Ronin should be as non-confrontational as possible. Since Tony made the listing he has to be there.” Steve said with finality and the ‘mission’ was underway.

***

They had a little under 6 hours to prepare and be at the meeting place. Despite the team being purposefully small, it felt crowded and tense on the quinjet. 

Tony sat silently next to Natasha as she piloted, tapping on a Starkpad. He glanced up and around the quinjet before speaking quietly “I don’t get why He had to come with us.”

“It’s his job, Tony. Besides the fact that he is just as worried about Clint as most of us and He hunted Ronin for years before his disappearance.”

“So he just wants to finish his hunt. Fantastic.”

“Hey,” Nat scolds “Тупица, you know he’s still trying to recover from T.A.H.I.T.I, Clint’s the only one of us that he knew that he doesn’t fully remember and that’s just as much Clint’s fault as its his. Which is none, Because neither of them had control over what happened.”

“Not surprised he fucking remember Cap first. Hard to get rid of those fanboy tendencies.” Tony laughed at the look on Nat’s face, getting to experience fanboy Phil for a second time had been hilarious.

“Yeah. I know, Тупица.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for it being so short again. I write in bouts so this is what my brain spewed out lol. Clint will be back next chapter :)
> 
> also Тупица translate roughly to dumb ass. she means it lovingly i promise


	10. Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team finally meets Ronin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeeyyy. I'm big tired and did not expect to update more than once today but had inspiration and my brain decided I was gonna write a lot. and if i didn't put this up now i'd feel bad cause it's done and despite it being the update for next week (I'm supposed to be working ahead so i can update regularly.) i really think ya'll should have this now. 
> 
> it's longer than the last few and it might be really bad cause I've been sitting so long my butt hurts but the next chapter has been started so Yay!

“Why did they have to pick the coldest possible place in the northern hemisphere for this damn meeting.” Kate grumbled, Clint watched her shiver as she slumped further into the chair he had pulled to the center of the room.

They were in some out Stark tech. warehouse that had long since been decommissioned. Which meant no heating. In winter, in northern Canada. Clint was in that moment thankful for the heavy fabric of Ronin’s uniform and yet he shivered all the same. 

He was nervous so he did what he always did when he was nervous.

“I’m fairly sure the coldest place in the northern hemisphere is the arctic, but this is cold too.” He pauses as Kate makes a frustrated noise that he managed to interpret as ‘You know what I meant’ 

“Of course maybe if your costume didn’t have so many holes in it then you’d be warmer. Did you pack a coat like I told you too?” Clint continued poking Kate’s exposed skin.

“Yeah, yeah Dad,” He could hear the emphasis she had purposefully put on the last word, “I brought a jacket but it ruins my vibe.” 

“The vibe of freezing to death?”

“My intimidating and very obvious Hawkeye vibe, Jerk.”

“Did you not bring a purple coat? Is it the exact same shade of purple as your suit and puffy? That would be embarrassing, you’d look like a giant purple people eater.” She finally looked at him and he couldn’t hold in his laughter anymore.

“You really are an ass.” She said as she got up from her chair and grabbed the one of duffel bags that was sitting behind them. “For the record, it's a parka and it's not purple. That would be a look though.”

“Not a good one.” 

“Shut up” She said as she swatted at the back of his head. 

Clint ducked the hit but his mind was filled with memories of Natasha doing the same thing. He wondered if she was coming. He wondered if any of them were actually coming. If they were, if she was, was he even prepared to see them? He had made the plan before he had even stopped to think about if he was ready to see his friends again. Shit, what if Coulson came, would he be able to handle that?

They had purposefully shown up hours early, to make sure they weren’t walking into a trap. They hadn’t entered the building until an hour ago though, just in case Stark had rigged something to alert him of Ronin’s arrival. It would have given them less time to prepare.

Kate was suddenly shaking him, “Clint! Goddammit! I’ve been calling your name for like, five minutes, It’s almost Four.”

“Right, okay.” Clint grabbed his sword from the sheath were he had carefully laid on the floor, he adjusted his position in his chair so that one of his feet was propped on his opposite knee and he laid the sword on his lap so the tip was just past the soul of his foot and pulled a cloth and a bottle of oil and set about polishing the Katana.

“I get that the thing is already as sharp as you could get it but do you but do really need to be so extra?”

“Ronin is dramatic. It's one of his defining character traits, he was my dramatic outlet way back when,” Clint laughed, “He’s my Batman.”

“I remember Batman as dark and brooding, not an annoying and extra bitch.”

“I’m dark and brooding!”

“You’re really not, bro. Just try not to try too hard. Then you won’t convince anyone.”

“I don’t think you’re a great judge on what’s dark and broody and dramatic.”

“I so am-” They’re little argument was interrupted by the sound of a quinjet landing, the silencing technology having a hard time mask the almost 7 tons of machinery making contact with the ground.

Clint lowered his mask and nodded at Kate, “It’s showtime.”

***

Sir, Did you specify that Ronin had to come alone?

“I did not friday I just assumed he would, why?” Tony said look at Nat from where he stood in the bay of the quinjet.

Because I am detecting two life signals from inside the warehouse.

“Could it be-” Bucky started to ask. He had insisted on coming. 

In fact it was a smaller team than they ever had. Just Bucky, Nat, Coulson, Sam and Himself. Tony had no idea why Sam had also insisted on coming (Something about Bird bros.) 

It does not seem to be, I am sorry the signal is as it would seem a young female.

“It doesn’t matter. We still out number them. We’ll go through with the same plan.” Tony said motioning for everyone to move out and calling for his suit.

***

Clint barely had time to mentally prepare himself before a group of people walked through the front doors of the building, He immediately picked out Nat’s figure using the entrance to dash into the shadows as scan the building. 

She wouldn’t find anything but it was still a smart play. He moved his eyes back to the group. Bucky and Sam, were a surprise. Tony not as much and he registered Coulson's presence but refused to look at him.

“Ronin. It's great to finally make your acquaintance.” Coulson said, but Clint ignored him turning all his attention to Stark. 

“Well Mr. Stark you called me here. I certainly expected an entourage, but not one so extreme as this. Four avengers and whomever that guy is.” purposefully making his voice gruffer and deeper, He gestures flippantly as Phil with his rag and went back to polishing his sword. He cracked a smile behind his mask as Kate made a sound that sounded like she was choking on her tongue.

“We weren’t planning you bringing an associate, however it's no issue on our part. We’re here to see if you have any information on a friend of ours.”

“Don’t forget the job offer.” Clint said

“I wha-” 

“A little birdy told me you would be looking for a temporary replacement for, what I am assuming is the same friend you want info on. Before you ask, my answer is no for the time being.” Kate nudged him before he could continue and he leaned over so she could whisper in his ear.

“Stop being such an asshole and get this over with. Maybe actually let them speak?” he nodded his head slightly and pulled away. He gestured at Tony before saying:

“Go on. Ask your questions.”

“We want to know if you have any information on the whereabouts of Agent Barton -” Coulson started.

“Okay, Peewee Herman, I wasn't talking to you, but whatever a question is a question. You’re little birdy doesn’t want to be found. But I would have never accepted this job without his permission, so yes I have been in contact with him and he’s sent you a little present. Two actually. One for that replacement and one for-” he put down his cleaning rag and reached into his breast pocket pulling out a small package.

“Phillip Coulson?” he turned towards Kate, “Who’s that again?”  
“His ex, I think.” She was good at improv good to know.

“That would be as you called him, Peewee Herman.” Bucky said gesturing at Phil.

“Welp, here you go. Thought he would have better taste considering but whatever.” he tossed the package at Phil and turned back to Tony.

“Considering what?” Phil tried but Clint just ignored him.

“Like I said, Hawky doesn’t want to be found but he said at least one person would understand a clue he gave me. He was saving it for retirement.”

“That's it?” Sam asked sounding frustrated. Clint just nodded.

“What about the replacement.” Tony said sounding equally frustrated and calculating

“Oh right, Kate go on.” he gestured for he to step forward, He had clipped a note to the front of her shirt.

“This Is Kate, she’s Hawkeye.” He said not moving from his chair but scanning the warehouse in front of him for Nat making sure he was on high alert if she came up behind him.

“But Clint’s Hawkeye.” Bucky said looking at her incredulously.

“Yep and so is Kate. certified Hawkeye, approved but the original Hawky himself.”

“Clint said this letter should explain everything but i was only allowed to let Ms. Romanov, Mr. Banner, and a Mr. Rogers read it. Sorry. He said he had nothing against anyone else but that they would understand.” Damn she was good. They had gone over the basics of what to say but she was a natural.

“So Hawkgirl is coming with us, do her parents know?”

“One, its Hawkeye and Two trust me when I say that I know I’ll be perfectly safe.” Standing up for herself that's good. Clint packed away his cleaning supplies and stood attaching his sheath to his belt and sheathing his sword. He stepped towards Kate, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“If you have any trouble you call-”

“You or Barton. Next your gonna tell me that a may not be a bad idea to put you guys on speed dial. I know. I promise. And the same goes for you. Though now you might be better off calling Wade, I don’t think Clint or I are going to be on call very much anymore.” She was smiling and she quickly hugged him around the middle, letting go almost as soon as she had grabbed him giving him no time to react.

He cleared his throat and turned back to the group of confused men that had been joined by Natasha. 

“She has the approval of Barton and is the second best marks-person in the world after him,” He deepened his voice even lower, “I will be around so if I hear of anything that might be a problem I will make sure that the problem is gone.”

He moved away grabbing one of the duffels and handing it to Kate picking up the other for himself.

“Your payment.” Tony said a scowl on his face he was holding out a bag. 

Clint to it gingerly and turn to Kate. “See ya kiddo. Good luck.”

He moved as signal the meeting way over and he heard them start to leave. He was out the back doors by the time he heard the front doors closes and he was deep into the woods when he heard the quinjet leave the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was title "Chapter 10 booooooiiiiii" in my doc sooooo.
> 
> anyway I hope ya'll liked it and the 2 updates in one day. I'm going to go yeet myself off a cliff cause i should not be awake right now.


	11. Reactions and developments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil Remembers and they have lead that no one wants to believe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna be consistent but this was done and I couldn't resist. please keep in mind the warnings in the tags. I try to keep things not horrible but i don't know how intense some stuff is gonna be in the future.
> 
> Also happy spooky season!

The Quinjet was silent on the way back to the Tower. Tony had flopped back down in his spot next to Nat as soon as the aircraft had left the ground. He had his Stark pad in his lap but was more focused on secretly observing their new passenger. 

She had sat down next to Sam and Bucky and they were making quiet conversation. She was very obviously avoiding Coulson whom also seemed to be observing her instead of focusing on the tablet in his hands.

He turned to look up at Nat and spoke up her. “Do you think he was telling the truth?”

“He has no reason to lie to us. He wouldn’t gain anything from it and neither would she. Before you ask, I have no idea what he was suggesting about his relationship with Clint. Clint never mentioned knowing Ronin before.”

“So it might be a good thing that I had Friday do a full body scan on our friendly Ninja?”

“You did what?” her voice was shocked but her face didn’t show anything. 

“It should be a few more minutes before Friday gets back to me. I’m having her run the scan through existing ones I’ve collected. Maybe we know who is secretly Ronin.”  
“Well that's an invasion of privacy.” A new voice said from above him. “Did you take one of me too?” 

When he looked up he took in Kate’s slightly annoyed yet still smirking face. God she really did remind him of Clint.

“Maybe, but I also figured if we had any questions about you we could just ask.” 

“Well i can tell you one thing now. This isn’t my first Team and I sought out Clint, if that lends anything to my character. I hope you guys find him. But I’ll let you know right now he was pretty clear with me that he has no plans on returning.”

“You’re a lot less cryptic than Ronin.” Nat said smiling at the younger girl.

“That’s because Ronin is dramatic Bitch. I don’t know where he’s hiding. Even if I did he’d probably have already moved again. So other than what I've already told you I'm not gonna be much help. Oh and Ronin and him aren’t together or anything, Ronin is just a dick. But they are really close.”

“Thanks kid that helps more than you know.”

Sir I the search results back, Something is not right. Friday interrupted 

“What is it Friday?”

There is something wrong with the scan that was taken. The only other scan it matches remotely is Clint Barton’s.

“What the fuck. Send both to my tablet.” Tony sat up straight abruptly and started tapping frantically.

“That’s impossible. Their too close.” he tapped more around comparing the two scans. “Obviously different types of muscle definition, but everything else is exactly the same.”

Tony looked up at Kate a plan forming. “You wouldn’t happen to have anything of Ronin’s in your bag would you?”

She squinted at him. “He took all his stuff with him. He’s not stupid, he knows Agent man over there still wants to arrest him. If it’s a DNA sample your looking for you’re gonna have to be more creative when it comes to Ronin.”

“Figured. We’ll just have to invite him over some time.”

“Sure.”

***

Phil knew he should be paying attention to the conversation in the cockpit but he could lift his focus off the small silver ring in his hand.

He hadn't been able to wait to open the package Ronin had thrown at him, headless of the fact that there may have been something dangerous in the envelope.

He had recognize it almost immediately. It was an exact match to the one he had sitting in a drawer of his desk. Look at the ring in his palm, memories rushed back to him. He was flushed with emotions, feelings, he hadn’t known he possessed. 

He didn’t feel the tears rolling until he heard a soft “Oh my god” and felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Natasha looking down at him her hand moving in small circles on his shoulder. He knew everyone else was probably staring at him but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“I remember- Nat I remember him. I remember loving him. Oh fuck i did this. Its all my fault. I already knew that but I didn’t know how bad- He hates me.” Phil looked back down at his shaking hands quietly repeating those last three words over and over.

Nat forced his face away from his hands and stared him dead in the eye. “Composure Agent. You need to calm down.”

The harsh words caused Phil to take a full staggered breath in and he finally looked back at her.

“There is nothing you can do to fix what happened until we find Barton. When we get him back you can go all mushy and apologetic. But for now we need a composed agent. We still have a mission to finish.”

All he could do was nod he stuffed the ring into his suit pocket without looking at it. She was right, they still had work to do.

***

The conference room was silent after the contents of their trip had been fully shared. Phil’s regained memories and all.

“Is the letter in anyway helpful?” Sam asks. It was the only part they hadn’t discussed.

“Other than saying the same things Ronin had with the addition of ‘Think of it as early retirement. It was always coming. It never had a set time and it just so happened know.’ he approves of Kate and thinks it would be best that we stop looking and go back to being heroes. Some stuff about him not being able to keep up forever. Mostly stuff we had either already assumed or just a repeat of ‘retirement.’” Nat recounted only slightly mocking her best friend.

“So he wants to be gone for good?” Wanda asked.

“I hope he knows he could have just resigned and we would have left him be.” Steve says grimacing

“Would we? Honestly, would we have even let him retire and If we had would we have let him leave? I can see where he’s coming from.” Tony replied staring at Steve challengingly.

“It’s true. We probably would have at least tried to make him stay. We can’t blame him for doing what he thought was right. Especially considering the circumstances that led him to suddenly leave.” Bruce spoke up, a concerned expression on his face. “Tony you send the only person the scan of Ronin was similar to was Clint himself, could they be related?”

“Doubt it. They would have to be close relatives and we’ve met Barney.”

“So the only person it could be, that we know of at least is-” Steve started but was interrupted by the quiet room breaking out into chaos.

“He would never!” Wanda Squeaked

“That's impossible they were both active at the same time.” 

“He would never do the things Ronin has done!”

“From what I’ve heard Ronin is far more malicious than Hawkeye.”

“All I was saying was that maybe,” Steve paused and lowered his voice after he had raised it to gain back the rooms attention, “Maybe we didn’t know Clint as well as we thought.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! so umm, originally I only had a plan up until about the events in this chapter and maybe the next? so after chapter 12 there might be a little bit of winging it cause I never planned how i want to end this fic, oooops. I promise it probably won't effect how frequently I've been updating but I may have to take a week or 2 off at some point to make sure i have a well thought out plan for the end. I have some stuff in my head I just need to build supports and bridges if you know what I mean. 
> 
> Anyway thanks for sticking around until now and I hope you enjoy it as much in the future as you do now (or not I can't control you)


	12. Reactions and Developments (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Clint was doing during chapter 11! that's it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeey. Sorry I disappeared for a week (and I was doing so well). College is hard! But here is another chapter! i missed this story, it's a lot more fun to write than essays. Also this chapter is really short but I felt like if i went any further it would be too long, ya know. Like awkward long. but that just means more stuff for next week!
> 
> Samhain draws nearer! happy spooky season!!

Clint was panting as he finally slows his pace. He ran through the woulds for around an hour. He pulled off his mask and that balaclava under it.

“Fuck. fuck fuck fuck. Shit that wasn’t didn’t go great shit. He brought the suit! Why didn’t I think he’d bring the suit?! I’m fucked. My plan is fucked. Kate, shit oh god.” He panics for a few minutes and finally calms down and moves to the truck parked not far off. Climbing in he starts his drive.

They hadn’t planned past this part really. Just an agreement that he would stay close, that way when presses Kate wouldn’t have to lie about knowing where he was. But now they likely had a body scan of Ronin and would be searching harder than ever. It didn’t matter how hard he worked to make his muscle definition look different. A full body scan would always be connected to him. 

Even if they refused to think that he was Ronin, they would be able to deny that it is someone close to him. 

It worried him not because they might think barney was Ronin (no one would make that mistake) but because it meant he wouldn’t be able to hide in New York.

At this point more than anything Clint was just tired. He wanted to go home. Not to some house he had thousands of miles away and not to the tower. But home, to his apartment. The small building in bed stuy he loved, He missed the people. He missed Lucky.

He sighed as he reached a red light. Finally on a street that would have them, and put his head down on the wheel. ‘There's always the west coast I guess. But Stark has business there so it's safer to not. New York is big I may be able to find a place they won’t think to search.’ then a name popped into his head and his whole body pulled upright in shock and revolution ‘Nope, I promised myself I'd never contact that psycho again. Daredevil is out of the question too he’s friends with fucking lawyers and ones that have moral compasses.’

He started driving again as the light turned green. turning over options of people he could turn to, slowly whittling them down as he drove (not that slowly he realized half the people he was on good terms with were Shield or former Shield). He kept trying to come up with more people until he found the he really only had one choice. One, he didn’t like it all that much.

Wade Fucking Wilson.

***

It made sense. The team didn’t hate as much as they avoided him. Purposefully never looking into his activity. He wasn’t close which help the whole avoiding the team and their stupidity advance technology. That didn’t mean he was happy about it. 

Clint hadn’t directly contacted Wade in years, the man was dangerous and Clint was trying not to be a criminal. He shrugged as he picked up his phone an hour away from his destination, to late for morality now, to his dismay not killing people was surprisingly hard as Ronin, he tried to only take jobs were the target deserved it. But it still wasn’t his job to decide to decide who lived or died. He’s not a deity. So he called Wade.

The phone barely rang once before the call was picked up. There were muffled voices on the other side for a minute, he only made out a few phrases “Not ‘Clint’ in not a joke name.” and “ He’s a friend, ding dong.” before he had the man's voice screeching into his ear. 

“Hawk-y, Buddy! I was wondering when you were gonna call! I was gonna but you’re hanging with the Avengers and they don’t like me. So i figured safe bet don’t! Was I right?”

“Hey, wade. Yeah sorry, I was trying the straight and narrow out for a change.”

“But being Gay is some much more fun! Well i’m Pan but ya know!” There is laughing from the other person on wade’s side and Clint chuckles a little to.

“I meant crime, Wade. I was trying to.. Well.”

“Not anymore though?”

“No. I- Ronin has made a reappearance.”

“I heard about that but what does that have- hold on” There is more muffled talking almost like Wade had a hand over the bottom of his phone. “That’s impossible Andrew” Came in at full volume and Clint decided it was time to just say it out right.

“If he’s suggestion what I meant was that I’m Ronin, he is not wrong.”

“Bullshit! I swear I’ve seen both you in the same place at the same time.”

A much more clear voice came through, a little British. “Wade, sweety. You do have schizophrenia. That might explain it. your brain is trying to rationalize something you believe to be completely impossible.”

“Your friend sounds smart.” Clint jokes, “That’s new for you. But he's right. I am saying I’m Ronin and I’m actually calling to ask a favor.”

“Still don't believe you but you do have an I.O.U still.”

“I need a place to stay for a bit. I’m technically in hiding.”

“Oh do you need to borrow a safe house? Or you Could stay with us! Yes, Taco party!”

“Us? Does that mean yo- Andrew lives with you!”  
“Holy Fuck! It’s been forever Hawk-y! You two haven’t met! Now you’re definitely staying with us! How far away are you! We’ll order dinner!” there's frantic moving and Andrew saying something about pressuring people. 

“I’m an Hour out. Still the same place right?” then slightly louder after a faint "Yes" like Wade had walked away, “Sorry Andrew”

“It’s alright, he’s just really excited nothing I haven’t handled before.” Andrew laughed a little, “See you soon Clint.”

“Yeah, see you soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh new characters!! I don't know how long they are going to be around but yes Andrew is Suppose to be like Andrew Garfield. cause I saw a post on tumblr about just having Deadpool date Andrew Garfield in the movies and just not talking about it and I couldn't get it out of my head. 
> 
> Also just a reminder nothing is planned anymore! this is the last chapter i had and now its all up in the air but I don't know how much longer i want to draw this out. Also a reminder that once this mess is done it with be completely edited by myself and the wonderful Katienurit and then re-uploaded. thank you for your time!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint makes it to Wade and then sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, oof did it really take me that long to update? I'm terrible sorry, I've been going through some stuff but here is another chapter guys. I hope you guys like it and I hope you all know how much i appreciate the kudos and comments. ALSO because i've been needing to hear it I thought I'd tell it to ya'll too, you are Valid, you are Loved, and you deserve a Happy and Wonderful Life. It may not be great right now but I hear it gets better.

The apartment was a mess and despite Clints reputation of being the biggest mess in the world it made him shake worse than he had been in the whole way here.

He could tell some part of him was panicking. He wasn't stupid he knew why. He may miss the shit out of his life, his home, but he wasn't ready to go back yet. He may be far enough away but he still felt to close.

His brain kept repeating that he had had a go think in Scotland. He was safe in Scotland why did he have to leave.

He great the overly energetic wade and waved at Andrew. He knew he was subdued, sluggish, he was hoping they wouldn't notice.

But instead of letting it go Andrew's eyes studied him for a second before laying a hand on Wade's shoulder.

"Honey we should save the tacos for tomorrow. I have a feeling that Clint could use some sleep."

Wade seemed to consider it for a moment looking at Clint who was still decked out in his Ronin gear. He nodded.

"If you need anything Hawk-y just holler. It's the same room as last time." He pointed down the hall while he packed away the tacos and started shoving them in the fridge. Clint just nodded back letting out a small thank you and smiling at Andrew before walking down the hall.

He collapsed on the bed as soon as the door closed not even bothering to get changed despite knowing he would regret it later. His eyes shut as soon as his head hit the pillow.

***

It had been months since Clint left. Nat sits quietly in the common room staring at the silent television. She couldn’t help but think about the fact that her one true friend, Her first friend may have lied to her for years.

She didn’t notice her hands shaking in her lap until someone sat down next to her, placing their hand on hers.

“Ya know, he always talked about you. He said he was scared of what you were gonna do when he finally came back, not because he was scared of you. But-” She looked up from her hands and Kate sighed, “But because you are his best friend and he misses you so much. He’s made a lot of mistakes. I’m pretty sure we can agree on that.” Kate interrupted herself with a laugh that made Nat want to join in but she just calmly answered,

“Yes. He definitely has.”

“I think we can also agree that for a grown man He is not good at self care or trust. He does trust you. That's why he said you could read the note, shit he almost made it so only you could read it. But it also took him months to work up the courage to suggest me as a replacement.” Kate’s voice was serious and Natasha was surprised that such a young person could be capable of such seriousness.

“Is Clint Ronin.” It came out before she could stop it. The team had agreed to not bring it up until they had more information but she could help herself, if he was that would change their whole relationship. She had known Ronin before she met Clint, seen what he was capable of.

“It’s not my place to tell you.”

“But you know.”

“Yes. I do, I- I met him during a tough time, it was hard not to know.”

“Mhmm.” Nat considered her words for a moment before continuing, “You’re a good friend to him.”

“So are you.”

Nat’s hands had since stopped shaking, she looked up and around the room and caught sight of a suited shoulder passing into the kitchen. She ignored the tears in her eyes and thanked Kate, nodding and squeezing her hands quickly before standing and walking toward the kitchen.

“Hey.” she pushed herself up onto the island counter facing toward Phil’s back.

“Hello.”

“How’re you doing, it’s been a couple days since-”

“Yeah. not great but I never do after memories coming back.” He turned around standing in front of her. She could see the tear tracks on his face. She opened her arms wordlessly letting her tears finally fall.

He collapsed into her embrace circling his arms around her back, burying his face into her shoulder.

“I miss him too. It's so empty now, without him and the-” she choked on her tears, “The thought that he kept that from us, from you for so long?”

“Nat what if he didn’t tell us because I was so hellbent on bringing Ronin to justice.” He moved away to look at her face, “I once said that I didn’t care if I brought back Ronin alive, what if- if i made him feel unsafe.”

Nat nodded but couldn’t say anything back, someone needed to talk to him. She needed to start calling in all her source, all her friends.

***

Hours Later Natasha sat on her bed one number left on her list. He wouldn’t, She had gone through the list leaving people in New York for last. He may have wanted to keep an eye on Kate but he wouldn’t be that close would he?

She had called everyone he was on good terms with. None of them had heard from him since before his disappearance. One left, the one she knew he hadn’t talked to years.

She dialed anyway.

“Wade? This is Natasha I know it’s late but I need to talk to you.”

“HEY! Funny it feels like i’m getting hit up by avengers left and right! Right Andrew?? So whats up.”

“I ask if you’ve heard from Clint recently.” She kept her voice neutral, often to wade could mean every few years.

“Oh. well ummm.-” a very loud whisper that sounded like ‘she’s asking about Hawk-y what do I do’ then more muffled conversation.  
“Wade?”

“Do you promise not to be mad, tell anyone, or force him to do anything.”

“Yes, I just want to find him so i can talk to him. No one else will hear about this.” She felt bad promising that but she needed to talk to him, she would do anything to talk to him.

“Okay. He’s been staying with us for a few days now. I’ll talk to him, you can come by tomorrow but I can’t promise he’ll talk to you. Or that he’ll even be here anymore.”

“Okay, yeah that's fine.” It wasn’t but she would take anything at that point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is my sad boy showing? I'm sorry it got emotional there for a sec. It probably won't get any happier till the end, sad and tense are like the 2 emotions I know how to write. yikes Surprising Deadpool isn't do anything crazy or "murder-y" but I also think that a nice stable relationship calmed him down a little. Also i had terrible writers block during this so it's not exactly what i wanted.


	14. Homecoming.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nat has her conversation with Clint. A promise is made and time passes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! it's me again! I'm back posting fairly regularly. I just wanted to sat that I'm really glad ya'll are enjoy this story. the support really helps me keep writing and I have been forcing my self to write cause I really want ya'll to get the ending these kiddos deserve.

The building was noticeably nondescript, a place where people who may not have the best of intentions might live. Nat ignored the turning in her gut that told her not to even approach the build and found the buzzer to the apartment wade had told her to go to.

 

She didn’t even know if he was telling the truth, he had no reason to want to help any avenger. But she had to try.

 

She was buzzed up without a word, she could help but notice that the speaker looked busted but probably for good reason.

 

It was 5 flights of stairs up, the 3rd door. She went to knock when she finally reached it but the door was yanked open before she could.

 

Standing before her was a very shirtless Clint, hair wet and a scowl on his face. He was in the midst of saying something, “-crashing here, but come on I was in the shower and you two where just -” He broke off as he finally turned to face her his voice barely above a whisper, “Natasha?”

 

His expression was full of shock. But Nat couldn’t look past his body, she had seen him shirtless many times but this wasn’t the same man she had pull bullets out of. He was leaner his arms still muscular but in different ways.

 

She spoke up before he could speak past his near silent question, “They were right. What the fuck happened Clint. Why- why didn’t you tell me.”

 

“Tell you what?” As soon as the question left his lips Nat felt herself burning with rage. Fuck him, how dare he act like he didn’t know what she meant. She knew he wasn’t stupid so why is he acting like she is.

 

“Fuck you. You didn’t tell me you were- are Ronin. Don’t treat me like I’m stupid I can tell.”

“Nat. How would you feel if the person you had been friends with for years suddenly told you that they used to be a murderer. And that their entire life after words has been penance for that. I wanted to make up for my past and then move on. That's what I’m doing.”

 

“You hiding for your Friends is moving on! I can’t believe you. We would help you, we’re on your side.”

 

“There are no sides. I never wanted to live that life, I wanted to help people without getting anything in return. The avengers wasn’t that. Shield was even that. The only reason I moved into the tower was because of Stark’s persistence. You have someone who is just as good as I am, who wants to be a hero now. Kate will do a good job.” he stopped for a second and looked at her, “I can’t come back yet. Even when I do, I'm not going to be an avenger unless the world is ending. It’s not for me, not healthy. I’m moving back to Bed Stuy soon.”

 

“Is that an invitation or a warning.”

 

“I don’t know yet. I’ll send Kate my new phone number when I’m more ready to talk. I’m not ready to face the others but this proved to me that at least I can talk to you.”

 

Nat just nodded, turning around to walk away. 

 

“Wait.” 

 

She stopped and turned back to look at him. Clint moved slowly forward and wrapped his hands around her. 

 

“It might not be soon, but it will happen. I’m sorry for all of this, I never wanted this to happen.”

 

“He remembered.”

 

“What?”

 

“Phil. You gave him back the ring. Which graverobbing? Really?”

 

“It was one of the first things I did when I got back to america. I was hiding from it, but had to know. What if- it was a clone. A cheap trick from fury.”

 

“I get it. He freaked out, thinks you hate him. He’ll never give up now that he knows. He’ll just keep trying to bring you back.” 

 

“He always was like that. Hated when I’d “run off”. You can tell them. That we spoke. But only that I still need time. Promise?”

 

“You shouldn’t get promises right now, маленькая птица. But you’re like a brother to me, so fine. Just don’t take too long.”

 

“I promise.”

 

***

 

It had been months since his conversation with Natasha. He didn't know how long was too long. 

 

Today was the One year anniversary of that day. He’d given Kate and Nat his phone number 2 months ago, but standing in front of the tower hood up trying to decide whether or not to enter was a whole other deal.

 

He knew that they knew. He couldn’t work as ronin unless he wanted Stark tracking him and despite enjoying his time in his building in Bed Stuy protecting the residents and watching dog cops all day, he missed his friends.

 

He had told Nat he was doing this the last time they had talked. He had promised. They had made a deal that they never broke promises between each other, he had to do this.

 

He was wearing his full Ronin get up. It had become a shield of sorts between him and his fears. But he was starting to get weird looks, so he took that as his cue to enter the massive lobby. He made his way to the private elevator up to the top floors and gave the receptionist a not so subtle glare when they tried to stop him.

 

The doors opened before he could press the button and the soft voice of Friday drift down to him.  _ ‘Ronin. Ms. Romanov is waiting for you on the common floor with friends. I was to also inform you that Agent Coulson is currently not with them, but his is in the building. Would you like me to inform them that you are here? Agent Coulson will be excluded from his information, for your health.” _

 

“Thanks Friday. You are not very subtle. I’d prefer if you didn’t tell them.”

 

_ Noted and I wasn’t trying to be, Agent Barton. _

 

“Technically I don’t work for shield or Stark anymore so Clint is fine.”

 

_ I will make a note of that, Clint.  _

 

Friday stopped talking for the last few seconds of the ride. The doors opened before he could get up the nerve to actually do this. He took his cue however and exited the elevator.

 

The first person he saw was Wanda, she had been walking out of the kitchen. The cup she’d been holding fell out of her grasp and shattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I now you all can probably tell but the story is getting close to it's end. sorry this chapter is a tad short but it felt like a good place to stop. the story still has a few chapters and I think I might write an epilogue but I do want to let you guys know that I am in an angst-y mood. I have been for a bit. The epilogue will most definitely be happy but the ending of this fic, it hasn't been written yet. There will be no major character death, I promise. But other things are still on the table. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, There may be another this week!
> 
> the Russian translates to Little Bird.


	15. Holy shit.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint reunites with his family and Doom is a mood killer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second Chapter in a week and more on the way, guys! this one is short but the next should be out this weekend if not tomorrow! We ramping this shiz up!

He wasn’t ready for how chocked she sounded as she said his name or well, “R-ronin? You’re the one we’re waiting for?” 

The team had obviously heard the sound of the cup breaking and Natasha was Behind Wanda in seconds.

She looked at him taking in his appearance quickly before glaring at him. “Really? Do you honestly need all of that. We know who you are, well some of us do.”

She turned around before he could respond ushering everyone behind her back into the living room area, the cup was left as Wanda quickly followed behind her. Clint had the urge to stay behind and clean it up but he knew it was just his way of stalling, so he followed quietly after the group.

They had gathered in the living room, the only space on any of the furniture unoccupied was coincidentally by Kate, who was currently glaring at him. It wasn’t like he had done something wrong, he had promised to come see the team again, that was all. But Nat and Kate had likely taken it as “Come to see them undisguised”. If he was being completely honest at the moment, he was either coming today dressed as Ronin or in his pajamas. He didn’t really have a medium between those two options right now.

He sat down next to Kate and before anyone could say anything she hit him on the side of his head, just barely grazing the hood but to everyone else it probably looked like it had connected with the way he flinched. 

“Lose the mask, dumb ass. You’re scaring the new kid.”

“Hey we are like the same age Kate!” said a kid who was on the back of the couch to the side of Stark and Cap. 

“Lots of new faces, guys, soon the teams gonna need another building.” He said as he ducked his head and slipped off his mask, the hood falling off his head in the process and exposing his overgrown blond hair.

When he finally looked back up he tried to smile but was sure he was failing.

“God, Clint. Are you getting any sleep? You look like shit.” He turned to look at Bruce and smiled for real.

“I think I might actually be getting less sleep than Tony at the moment.” There was scattered laughter, but most just look at him in concern, Natasha especially knowing his coping mechanisms.

“I- Where have you been?” Tony seemed to have been holding that in since he entered the room, now sitting forward as if he was trying to get the answers by staring into Clint's brain.

“Um,, Well. First couple months I stayed in an old safe house in Inverness, then I stay with Deadpool for awhile, been in My old apartment building in Bed Stuy for the last six months.”

“You where that close? Why didn’t- we were scanning for you everywhere- who did we not-”   
“We ruled out his old apartment building remember, i think it was you who said ‘There is no way he’d stay there he thinks we have the whole city on lock.’” Nat answered.

“Oh, yeah.”

The conversation moved on as it always did with the team, getting side tracked so many time they no longer remember where they started. It went on for hours, the team slowly relaxing around him, fitting him back in like he’d never left to begin with.

Then just as he was starting to reach his limit, about to stand up and say goodbye for the day, resolute in promising he’d come back within a week. 

The alarm went off. Lights flashing, signaling, New York was under attack.

***

No one spoke, the team scattering to get ready and Clint just stood there, mask still in his hands feeling like an idiot.

That is before a hand slapped his shoulder and he looked over to see Stark standing next to him. 

“Friday is picking up Doom bots. Don’t know what their after but there's a lot of ‘em. We’re gonna need all the help we can get. You up for a fight?”

“Y-yeah. Let's do this.”

As they moved out to get closer to where the attack seemed to be centered, Clint was handed a comm. He slipped it into his ear and pulled his mask back onto his face hood following, he didn’t even register the voice on the other end before he finished getting himself situated and was safely inside a quinjet.  
“Everyone ready to go? You will be dropped in central park the Doom bots are all centered around there, they seem to be a distraction but they still need to be taken down before someone gets hurt. Shield will be on standby in backup is needed.”

Clint felt himself freeze as the voice registered in his brain, Kate was beside him in an instant almost as if she had sensed his distress. He shrugged her hand off his shoulders, giving her a gruff but quiet, “All good”. They were over the main mass of doom bots in seconds, just low enough to jump out without getting (to) hurt. That's exactly what Clint did as soon as he heard the start of the next sentence,

“You are a go to inga- holy shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fight! fight! fight! and the possibility of Danger and Death! i'm getting very excited about this guyss.


	16. The Fight.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doom sucks. Say it with me, Doom sucks! (or maybe I suck at writing doom)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I was right about posting another chapter "Tomorrow". It's tomorrow! we out here writing shit guys. i did not expect myself to get through that so fast, I guess i just really like writing fights. hope ya'll enjoy

“You are a go to inga- holy shit.”

He heard the sentiment being echoed by a few other voices as he jumped out of the opening back of the quinjet, pulling his katana out of its sheath in the air. He came down on top of a doom bot and impaled his sword through it’s head before jumping onto the closest bot’s back ripping into it with his sword as he slid to the ground. 

And with that the fight was on, his compatriots following him out of the hovering aircraft and tearing into the bots around them.

They had a smaller group looking for Doom, he usually wasn’t one to not boast in the middle of his destruction, but today he was nowhere to be found.

That is until a slightly robotic version of Stark’s voice filtered into their ears,

“Hope you guys are almost done with the distraction. Doom has been spotted and there are a lot more doom bots surrounding the building he’s taken over.”

Scanning the park quickly they looked for anymore doom bots that could possibly wreak havoc after they left. Finding none Natasha directed the kid (Spider man apparently), Pietro and a slightly teed off looking Barnes to stay behind just in case, saying they were more than capable of taking on any other doom bots in the area on their own.

The trip to the building was short, barely a block and they were able to reach the building mid-monologue.

“And I Shall rule this city with an iron fist! I am the only one capable of the job! These people will kneel before me and praise my name!” His voice shrill-y intoned as he shouted from atop the building. Kate stood next to him trying to muffle her giggling. She was unsuccessful as the villain proudly proclaimed, “For I am Doctor Victor Von Doom and It is my destiny!”

Doom’s head snapped in her direction as her small snickers turned into up roaring laughter, She shook her head and choked out “Sorry, sorry, but Mr. von Doom? Where you like born to be a super villain?”

Doom raised his hand and they were glowing green, Clint recognized it from the few other times they had been forced to fight and grabbed Kate's arm preparing to pull her behind himself. Instead Doom lowered his hand and yelled “It’s Doctor Doom” 

In a puff of smoke he vanished and the doom bots around the building stirred to life, there had to be at least two hundred outside and there was no telling how many on the inside. On the other side of him he heard Wanda say into her comm “We are going to need that back up, if we wish to focus on taking Doom down.”

There was confirmation over the line followed by an eta and with that they jumped into action. Their aim was to clear a path to hopeful get some people inside the building to start looking for doom.

He and Wanda made it to the door, this close they could hear Stark and Cap fighting something huge on the roof. Nodding at each other they forced the doors open and started fighting their way up the stairs. As his sword sliced into bot after bot he started to worry that it would dull before they made it to the roof, he didn’t have a back up nor time to sharpen it. But it held true as they cleared the way up the stairs side by side. He could hear the rest of the team and what sound like shield, following them up the stairs, clearing every floor behind them. 

Finally they burst through a door and onto the roof. In front of them was a gigantic doom bot two times larger than they normally were, it was swatting at Stark at he flew around it head, one of its knee’s looked like it had been smashed into repeatedly, there was no sign of the Captain or Doom. Clint motioned for Wanda to join Stark in his fighting, hoping that together they could take down the giant robot as he when to go find Doom or Cap.

He spotted them two roofs away Cap deflecting blasts of his shield and Doom bombarded him. Green energy magic stuff spraying around the surrounding area.

He broke into a run, he wouldn’t be a ton of help, but Clint had always found that Hawks are great diversions. As soon as he was close he started yelling trying to catch the villain's attention. 

“Doom! Mr. Doom! Victor! Hey!” he badgered as he ran around the fight trying to circle him away from the Captain. “I don’t believe you’re all that smart! Those Robo’s where like fucking cake to slice through! Maybe you should try making them out of something stronger! Oh wait!” he had managed to turn him in a full circle Rogers fully behind him, he may not be in the shape he was before but he was a hell of a lot faster. 

He dodged every blast Doom sent at him. The villain's full attention on him he didn’t notice Rogers rush him from taking him down to the ground from behind, Clint skidded to a stop and approached the grappling pair. The fight ended when Stark landed next to them and managed to get cuffs around Dooms wrists that stopped his powers. 

He could see most of the rest of the team on the other roof, visibly relaxing when the cuffs go around Doom’s wrist. Clint was so taken over by relief of the finished battle or maybe his aid had cut out for a second, but he heard a scream before the pain pierced through his side. 

He fell to the ground, barely registering the sound of shattering mechanical bits near him. Someone was next to him trying to get hit to talk. He felt himself cough hard something splattering against the inside of his mask.

“Fuc- Ow.” he groaned before it went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about that wee bit of angst at the end and the cliff hangar. I am on a roll though! and up at 12:30 at night despite having a presentation tomorrow! unfortunately I am american and next week is Thanksgiving. fortunately, i don't usually celebrate it and I'm also not going home so I have a whole week off of school to write. I was worried I wouldn't finish this fic before the end of the decade but now it seems like it'll be done before Hanukkah starts!


	17. Holy shit 2; electric boolgaloo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> surprise?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to remind everyone that his work is very much a Work In Progress! so if I name chapters weird things like Holy Shit 2; Electric Boogaloo, I am not being serious and I am not sorry. But in all seriousness I really Hope everyone enjoy's the heck out of this Chapter!!

No one had seen it coming, the shot from an unaccounted for Doom bot had hit Clint before anyone could have stopped it. The bot had been taken down with a single repulser shot from Tony, but it had been too late.

Kate paced back and forth outside the door of the room Clint had been placed in, her head spinning, she hadn’t even had time to register what had happened, the scream had come from Wanda. 

Wanda who was sitting curled up on the chair someone had put across the hall. Her face buried in her hands. She had stopped crying an hour ago after the last of the team had left. 

Finally she looked up from her hands and looked at Kate, “Do you think he’ll be okay?”

“Doc said that surgery went as good as we could have hoped,” She said moving to rest against the wall next to the chair, “it’s all up to him waking up, which is the issue. Apparently he hasn’t been eating as good as he was before. It’s barely malnutrition, but it could make it hard for him to heal as fast as he usually would. They’re hesitant to use the cradle until his internal stuff heals. There- there was a lot of damage.”

“I could have stopped it.”

“I’m afraid even you aren’t fast enough to stop an energy blast that's traveling faster than a bullet. None of us could've stopped it. Not only was it to fast but we didn’t even know there was another Doom bot to worry about, there were none on the radar.” Kate sighed, “He wouldn’t want you to be blaming yourself.”

“I know but I can’t help it.” Just as Wanda stopped talking they heard loud voices down the hall coming closer.

“-Shouldn’t even have been there! This is all my fault, he’s not even on the team right now! But did I think about that? Of course not! Just asked if he wanted to help, god I am such an Dumb ass! What the fuck am I going to tell his family?!”

“tony-”

“Oh God. Laura is gonna kill me. She’s gonna come all the way to New York to see her brother and find out it was me who suggested that he come on this mission and she’s gonna kill me.”

“Now you’re just being ridiculous.” Kate spoke loud enough for the Duo to hear her from down the hall.

Wanda giggled, “Yeah Laura’s just gonna yell at you it’s Lila you have to worry about. You let her amazing Uncle Clint get hurt, and he’s been teaching her to be the next, well third, Hawkeye.”

“It doesn’t matter who does it, I’m gonna die.” Tony was purposefully being over dramatic at this point. 

“What are you two doing out here anyway? It’s not like he’s under quarantine, you can sit inside the room.” Steve said no longer trying to calm Tony down.

“We’re giving Nat and Phil alone time with him. That and Wanda said she didn’t want him to wake up to her crying.”

“Don’t remember why I cared, Coulson was crying too.”

“He still hasn’t woken up yet then?” Tony asked quietly

“Nope.”

“They said it should have only been 2 or three hours after surgery. It’s been 5.”

“Yeah that's why we’re giving them alone time. ‘Two or three hours if he plans to wake up at all.’ he’s still on life support. The whole ‘cradle is too risky if the patient is critical’.”

“Shit.”

***

Coulson hadn’t lifted his head in what felt like hours, it probably had been. Natasha had ushered him into the room as soon as Clint had come out of surgery and had been situated. He had been reluctant at best about being in the room when Clint woke up, but Nat had made it clear that if he didn’t fulfill the Strike team delta promise she would never speak to him again. 

The promise was old but it was simple, at least one strike team delta member would be with a hospitalized one at all times. It had been enacted after a doctor had decided not to listen to Clint and give him Morphine, thus making Clint even more paranoid and aggressive because he wasn’t in full control of his body. For a while that day had been an inside joke for strike team delta now it made him want to resume crying.

Nat and Him sat on either side of Clint’s bed, Nat was holding his hand but there had not been a single twitch from the unconscious man since he was brought into the hospital room. Turned his wrist so his watch faced him without lifting his head from the bed.

“It’s been 5 hours and 18 minutes. We should contact the doctors.” he said quietly.

Nat just nodded and set Clint’s hand onto the bed careful of the tubes and wires around his torso, a blast like the one he received can be devastating to a human body. Natasha stood gracefully and looked at him as she made her way to the door,

“Do you want me to invite the others in or do you want some alone time?” the question was hesitant, almost as she didn’t want to admit that they could be saying goodbye to her best friend forever, logical rational Natasha was in denial.

He cast a quick look at Clint's form and his face must have said it all because she nodded and closed the door quietly behind her.

He hadn’t realized how much noise Nat made until she was gone. When she had been in the room with him he was able to drown out the beeping of the machines. Now, the beeping was almost deafening, it compelled him to talk.

“If this is revenge on me I understand, really. God that was selfish, you might be dying and for some reason I think it’s revenge. I miss you, fuck, I miss you so much Clint.” He was crying again. He reached the few centimeters and took hold of Clint’s hand, “I was such an ass. Who forgets about the love of their life, I keep racking my brain about how I could have not remembered you earlier. I know you needed space but god as soon as I remember Egypt, shit Budapest, I realized how much I wanted to be around you all the time. How much I must have hurt you when I showed up out of the blue like that. You should have hit me, if I was you I would have, I deserve it. You need to wake up, Clint. You have so many people waiting for you, Kate, the Twins, Your brother and Laura, their kids. God, you should have seen Bruce when they brought you in. He looked ready to hulk out and pull Doom apart.”

“Ya- u’re really bad at this.” A voice croaked out above him, for a second Phil thought it was someone from the team come to make fun of him, but as he pinpointed where the voice was coming from he snapped upright and slammed the doctor call button on his right.

A croakier laugh rang out as Phil frantically search for water, the only thing he could think of doing in his panic, he froze when Clint spoke up again.

“So Budapest, huh?” the huh sounded more like a cough, but the message got across right before Natasha and a team of Doctor’s burst into the room.

Natasha was swearing the only thing Phil recognized was “Of course you wake up after I leave, dumb ass bird.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo. What do ya'll think? We have made contact and I super excited, but also it means We are nearing the End - i feel like a person wondering around ring a bell shouting about how the end times are coming.- We have a couple more chapter before the end. if I'm feeling motivated I'll write an epilogue to but school has drained me. Anyway Hope you Enjoyed I sure did <3.


	18. Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil and Clint converse.

Clint was transferred to the cradle not 15 minutes later. And within an hour he was cleared to walk around. The look he got from Dr. Cho when he asked about leaving was cold to say the best. He had been sequestered onto the common floor by the Twins and Kate to make sure he didn’t exert himself between sessions in the cradle. The would let him stay in the cradle until he was fully healed, to concerned about the strain it would take on his apparently “Malnourished” body.

The teen’s had put on some animated show he didn’t recognize and kept trying to take care of him like he was a toddler. After being on his own for almost a year it made him uncomfortable and it was starting to get on his nerves. All he wanted to do was finish (or well restart) his conversation with Coulson. Seeing him again had made him realize that while he may not be ready to be in a relationship with the man again he missed him. He wanted to be around again, the time with the team before Doom’s attack made him realize how much he missed being around his friends in general.

Finally he found his chance, Wanda had left the room to gather snacks and there was finally a commercial break. He stood up and started walking towards the elevator.

“Where the fuck are you going.” Kate said loudly from the couch.

He turned and smiled at her, “Swearing is unbecoming of a young lady such as yourself” he joked before saying, “If you must know i’m going to bother Bruce before I go ask the doctor’s if I’m allowed to shower and nap. And before any of you suggest coming with me, I will jump into a vent if you try to damn with my ribs.”

“Fine but if I find out you left this tower Clinton,” Wanda spoke cheerfully her head peeking out from the kitchen, “You will have hell to pay.”

“Got it.” He said as he pressed the down button and stepped backwards into the elevator. Before the doors closed he awkwardly finger gunned and smiled at the teens.

“That is what you were talking about, was it not Kate?” Pietro spoke up his eyes still trained on the T.V screen.

“Yep. That my friends, is a disaster Bisexual.”

***

Finding Coulson was a trip to say the least, he thought he remembered where Tony had said the offices where but in the end he ended up having to ask Friday. By the time he reached Coulson’s office he no longer want to deal with the coming conversation all his confidence was gone. Even just seeing the door the office reminded of the exact on Coulson had back at shield, somehow without even entering he knew it would be exactly the same on the inside.

He was right, he walked in without knocking and took in the office as Coulson sat in his chair shocked. It was tiny, just enough room for a couch shoved against the wall to his left, a mini fridge squeezed in next to it and Coulson’s desk. Two chairs were in front of said desk and for a second he consider sitting down in one before he shook his head and flopped down onto the couch. 

“You’d think after all these years you would get an upgrade.” He said casually.

“We both know I would have no idea what to do with anymore room than this.”

“Fair. I heard that you’re the director now. Are you a puppet or is Fury actually gone?”

“As far as I know? Fury is gone, retired though he still gives me shit on occasion.” Coulson paused before speaking again, “That’s not all you wanted to talk about is it.”

It was said like a statement but Clint could hear the hopeful question behind it. He hated that even after all this time he could still read Coulson so easily.

“I still haven’t forgiven you, but I thought you should know that most of my anger is point at Fury and less at you. And that I’m not planning on running off again.”

“Does that mean?”

“I probably won’t be living in the tower no. I like my apartment, I like retirement, but I’m not abandoning my family.”

“Okay, good. Great, it’s great to have you back around even in the tiniest amount. The Team’s morale will definitely go up thanks to this.”

“Good.”

“Yeah.”

They sat in silence for what felt like hours but was probably only a few minutes before either of them moved or spoke.

“I- uh don’t want to pressure but-”

“As far I know Phil death, no matter how fake, is as good as divorce. Not that we were much before-”

“I wanted to be.”

“Wh-at?” Clint choked out.

“I wanted to be more with you. I would just marry anyone. Even if it was just for a mission. I wanted to be married to you.” His voice quieted and became less frantic, “I still do. Want to be married to you I mean. I understand if you don’t want that but it can’t go unsaid anymore.”

“I- uhh.” Phil started rifling through his desk before he found what he was looking for.

“Even if you don’t want to be now or ever this belongs to you. You should have it.” in his hand was the small silver ring Clint had thrown at him months before, the one Clint had dung out of an empty coffin. He nearly started crying at the sight of it because next to it around Phil’s left ring finger was the matching ring.

He couldn’t speak as he lifted the ring out of Phil’s hand, before he could something stupid like put it on he shoved it into his pocket and nodded at Phil.

“I have to go to talk to the doctor’s, I don’t remember if I'm allowed to shower or sleep.” He rushed out of the room before Phil could answer either question, knowing he would know but not being able to think up a better excuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So they finally talked? they interacted?? i wrote the ship this story is suppose to be about??? wow lolol. So I may have finished writing? When I told myself i was going to get ahead that's not what I was expecting but ummmm it happened. there will be another 2 weeks of uploads then, it will be officially done (except for the editing which will be done mid-December maybe? im not sure it might not be for awhile this story is really long lol.)


	19. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tying up loose ends and confesstion

It had been weeks since his conversation with Phil. He had managed to convince the team a few days after that not only was he fine but that he should be allowed to return to his personal apartment. It was easier than he had expected, all he had to do was give them the address and a promise to visit at least once a week. 

 

It was more of a threat from Wanda and Natasha, both making it perfectly clear that they would not give him space and would hunt him down and bring him back. It was a little more annoying that he had to wear his Ronin gear back because he hadn’t brought any clothes with him, but in the end he was glad to be back in his space with his dog and his fantastic neighbors.

 

It became less comfortable when Ronin got a few ‘threatening’ emails from people with ‘urgent’ jobs. He ground his teeth as he replied to yet another people with a curt “Fuck of, not in business anymore”. It would be so much easier if he could just say it publicly, that not only was Ronin out of business but so was this particular Hawkeye. 

 

Hawkeye’s retirement and subsequent “Passing of the title” was supposed to be officially announced at a press conference in a few weeks. Clint had made Clear he had no intention of coming back unless the word was ending and Kate was more than happy to take his place on the team. She had become face friends with the twins and was growing out the young avenger’s title anyway.

 

As Clint clicked on yet another email an Idea popped into his head. If he retired Ronin right now it would certainly be less suspicious as him just disappearing again, he scanned several of the jobs and picked one that was the least likely to be a trap. He threw on his gear and looked at the screen one last time and smiled. It was going exactly to plan. The employer had already posted on almost all the dark web sites that he had booked Ronin for his “Last Job ever.” he just hoped the team didn’t see. And if they did he hoped they’d play along. They had seemed pretty forgiving about the whole Ronin thing in the first place.

 

***

Clint was not as good at spotting traps as he remembered, luckily he had managed to avoid the ambush that had been planted inside the warehouse. Unluckily it really was Ronin’s last ever job if Phil had anything to say about. The employer had ended up being an executive at AIM. he was trying to capture and convert Ronin. By the time shield got there half the grunts were injured and Ronin was soaked in blood, though it was hard to tell with the black fabric.

He hadn’t resisted the cuffs he could see the reporter’s gathered around the warehouse being held back by the authorities. They were shouting for Phil to take his mask off and to reveal the assassins identity, but they were ignored as he was shoved into the back of a van. The door slammed shut behind him.  

He was at least allowed to clean up before he was yelled at, which was nice. He brought into a much larger office in the secret Shield headquarter. He was barely through the doors before Phil was talking.

“What The Fuck were you thinking!?” Phil said his hands planted on his desk, practically looping over Clint.

“Umm, Retiring Ronin so people would stop trying to hire him. I thought the most effective way would-”

“Be getting yourself Killed!” Phil was holding back, Clint could tell because he had been screamed at from much less, “Part of me wants to believe you weren’t thinking because there is no way the Clint I know would ever think doing that was a good idea. Actually no. who am I kidding you have always acted first and thought second.”

“Is now a bad time to mention that you are really hot when your mad?” Clint tried, it wasn’t untrue but he knew now was a terrible time, he was just trying to derail the conversation. He smiled cockily at Phil trying to distract him.

“It is an awful time to say that. I don’t think you’re listening to me-”

“Oh I definitely am, Could have been killed, blah blah blah, I never think, blah blah blah, very disappointed to be in love with me, which by the way is not something you should be saying if you want me to continue to want to get back together with you.” Clint hated that he was intentionally acting like an ass, but he knew the admission would fully derail the conversation, and get him out of being chastised for now at least. And he wasn’t lying. He had been thinking about it for weeks, and he’d come to the conclusion that they have a chance to be happy and shouldn’t be wasting time anymore.

Phil deflated almost immediately at the words, “You-” he interrupted himself by coughing frantically, Clint would have patted him on the back but his hands were still cuffed, “You want to get back together with me?” his voice sound weak at the end.

“Well if we’re counting our married years as us actually being together than yes, I want to get back together with you, but if we’re not I guess we could just say, get together with you.”

“This is a terrible time to be talking about this Clint, I’m supposed to be chastising you.”

“Technically you should be throwing me in jail, I don’t work for Shield anymore and I’m not an avenger either.”

“Well..”

“I’m still listed as an employee of shield aren’t I.”

“Yes, you were never fired and never formally quit so....”

“Okay good than you don’t have to arrest me so the cuffs can come off and we can chrissen this very nice office before the yelling continues, or we continue both at the same time,” He winked leaning forward on the balls of his feet playing in the dramatic side of Ronin he’d never used outside of a job, “I am good with whichever.” 

It had the desired effect to say the least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys this is my last week before my finals week and last chapter before the epilogue! I just spent 3 hours writing an essay for my english class that I'm probably gonna scrap cause I hate it so much and my body has given up on my so I'm updating from phone, I'll fix any format issues tmrw. But I wanted to get this out for you guys. Hope you enjoyed.


	20. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof sorry guys I was planning on having this uploaded on Friday but I ended stuck in a car comping home for hours, still here is the final chapter of this story. I hope you all enjoy and it will be edited at some point in the next few months so if you want to read the fully edited version you can in a couple months.

It had taken 3 years and 8 months for Phil to propose. Natasha and Tony had kept track much to the teams disturbance. During that time the world almost ended twice and even more people joined the Avengers, but Clint stayed true to his promise. He protected his neighborhood and stayed in fighting condition but only worked with the Avengers when the world was in complete and utter peril.

 

He got closer to the other vigilantes working in New York, including the spider kid and Daredevil despite his questionable choice in friends. What surprised everyone else more was that Pepper and Happy had gotten married before them and less surprising Wanda and Vision. 

 

Clint hadn’t expected the proposal, he had already considered them married, or as close as he thought they were ever going to get again. He hadn’t even noticed his ring had gone missing until Phil had pulled it out of his pocket apparently months later, a brand new engraving on the inside, ‘For staying’. 

 

He had sobbed when he’d seen it. He’d run a lot, but no longer had to. Nor did he want to. 

 

Years later Skye would take over shield, and Kate had started to seriously train Lila to be the next successor to the Hawkeye title. Most of the people had moved out of his  building, he knew these ones could protect themselves. 

 

They moved into that cottage, perfect for raising children in Phil had always said. adopted another dog and a small ginger girl who ruled the rest of lives and reminded them so much of Maria Hill.

 

And they healed. And they loved. And they Stayed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you guys enjoyed this story I had a lot of fun writing it and mostly get it out of my head. If you like my writing check out my Tumblr @Peanuttbutterpickles where I occasionally post about my personal writing project (if you like superheros and gay shit ask me about it cause if there's interest I may post it) 
> 
> also thank you to Katienurit for helping me edit and supporting this fic for so long :). You are amazing and I can't thank you enough.


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